An Unexpected Vow (on going-slow update)

Chapter Four

Author's   NOTE:

Hello lovelies, 

Umm... 

How are you all? I am Sorry. I know i am being MIA for a long time now, and i am apologizing for this. 

But i was in so much depression that it was hard for to come here and updated my stories. And believe me i am still in depression. and it was... hard. Very hard. 

I am a solitary type of girl, and a very much introverted person. I don't speak a lot to anyone about my life, and anything about me. I just speak random things, talk about anyone but not about me. And as you all know that i got married 2017 and i was occupied with the new life... new environment.. new things. new family... it was tough. and it was rough.. a rough time that i never thought it would be. I am very simple and always wanted a simple life. and honestly marriage wasn't in my list, but i got married (arrange marriage--the quick one, and i don't think in reality quick arrange marriage happened... and i thought okay my parents choose him.. okay) , and getting married a person in just one hour after meeting him by arrangement of the two family, i accepted my fate... and (eventually and mentally gave up on my dreams). 

I... umm...

It was hard to explain... and i am not good with explaining. so i won't pulling the matter much. but a little info that.. I HAD GONE THROUGH WITH WORST in this last 2 years . and i never imagined that i had to go with this. The marriage was filled with violations.. torture....betrayal... and cheating. I always see positive things in any situation and the person i loved was the worst human being i ever met in my life. so i was not in right situation.. not in the right mind to focus on my stories.. on my writing. 

i had gone through with divorce. tortures.. So i had to take a break..i have to take a break.. so i can focus on myself.  So i have to take a time for me .. to heal myself. I wanted me.. the real me.. i want myself. the person who was strong once. who believe in her dreams. who doesn't ever to give up on her life ..her dreams or anything that makes her happy. 

i almost gave up on me.. on my life. and still.. it gets me. and i couldn't focus on me. 

So yeah... I am Sorry if i was not here.. updating stories for you all.. because i want to love myself.  I want to take time with me. I am sorry. I just can't seat and write when i wasn't me..myself. 

Yes i am sorry. the thing i had gone through... its might seem normal. yeah okay. But i was in depression for long.. almost 10 years... funny right!!  I should consult a psychiatrist!? May be but i am counselling myself. because i can't let anyone in into my life. i am not ready to share. 

even it takes 5 months for me to write here and explaining this to you all. I am not good with it. ...huh.. Trust me. it was... tough for me to write now. 

But sorry... if i wanted to take time for me.. if i want to take time for myself.  i hope you all will understand this. i am still not recovering from my health and mental issues. i can't say what happened to me. because i just can't. but it was nasty.. it was brutal.. that i was 99% convinced that i don't want to live in this world. but the 1% in me was positive..was hopeful.. was grateful to my ALLAH. that saved me. One day i just woke up and said to me ENOUGH. 

"ENOUGH AND ENOUGH. i won't tolerate his brutality.. i won't give up on me." and from that moment i fought back. i fought.. i am still fighting. the 1% saved me. 1% hopefulness in me..saved my life. And THANKS to ALLAH. 

so yeah i am sorry if i wasn't active.. and i can't promise when i can.. my mind is in mess. i get trauma everyday.. and i am handling me ALONE. so sorry.