Absorbed

/A flower blooms in the world filled with thorns/

Twelve.

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Dear Tyler,

.....The bones in my throat are crushed - my breathing ragged as if heaving through empty lungs. The eyes that stare at you are wet and tired ; lashes coated with tears.
The muscles in my body are pulling away from the bones almost hanging loosesly like clothes on skeletons.
The hands that once cradled your beautiful face are shaking - fingers trembling, trying to grasp yours but clutching thin air which is stained with sorrow.
I carefully whisper the words I love you ; making sure they sound like a goodbye.
Were you ever mine to lose?

Yours,
Sarah.

Her hands trembled as she read the letter with confusion and fear.  The paper looked crushed and old. It was formidable, daunting and petrifying in her hands. She gave him the paper without folding it. The words still stuck in her mind as if it has been instilled.

The words haunted her. She didn't dare look at him. She sat on the bare ground feeling how much the words gave out. It was of nothing but a burden that pulled her right onto the ground. The weight too threatening and unbearable, there she was, in her last straw. On the hard ground. Helpless.

Then she looked at it.

In the loving memory of Sarah Willson.
1990-2013.

She breathed with her sobs threatening. She didn't ever want to come here. But there she lay.

Cemetery.

Flashback.

"Why?" She said in a bare whisper.

"Because I need to show you something."  Tyler said calmly.

"Why now? Can I just go home? I'm exhausted." She said rather calmly trying to make excuses.

The last thing on Earth would be seeing his girlfriend. She didn't want to see her. Maybe not right now. Her mind had to face the steadfast sadness that was hitting her at that perfect moment. She wasn't sure how much of everything she could handle. She sighed in distress. She hated how everything fell apart in the right moment of her life. Feeling emotionless, she looked at the bare scenery.

He never answered her.

The grey clouds surprisingly cleared to a bunch of off white clouds that showed nothing about the breathless sky, the road rather quiet as the silence that was drowning in the car and the speed of the car increasing every mile as fast as how she thought. The air conditioner toning down the atmosphere as she breathed slowly trying to come up with a solution.

Nothing.

"It's our anniversary today." He said with his voice cracking.

Was it that hard to break that silence they both shared? Was it that hard to talk to her without being awkward? And whatever they did talk was something that was either necessary or philosophical.  They may have had some good times or even shared something rather painful that they were able to connect their feelings, thoughts and emotions. But they were completely different. In their own ways.

"Happy anniversary." She said.

Her mind wandered into many thoughts as she pronounced the words. She felt a sharp pain tingling within those words and she felt distressed and she couldn't even want to think about the part of her mind that was rambling continuously of the regret and sorrow of leaving Eric when they perfectly had the chance to patch up. When he finally learned what is important in his life. When he finally came back to her. Her sun that was supposed to shine. Her sun that creeped at the back of the clouds. The sun she poured a muddle of raindrops on. Her raindrops. Her tears.