Absorbed

/2 am/

Thirteen.

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She ran away from the kindling feeling, away from everything that would hurt her. Once again.

Or was it something that she had completely feared about? Something that she was to get lost in and something that could have had the possible outcome of killing herself like she did. Sarah. Her mind was rumbling in thoughts. What was she to believe? What was to happen?

She knew that she wasn't over Eric at all.

Besides, she always loved him. A part of her will always love him. For everything that had happened. Even though he had abruptly left and even though she had understandingly left.  A part of herself wanted to go back but there was one last will remaining holding her back. What was it?

It wasn't that she loved him.

She loves him, yet. And she also hates him.

Her mind was terrible. She felt exhausted. She sat on a bench on the subway waiting for her train to arrive. Her mind was also fascinating to herself. Because she was always learning new stuff about it and dealing with everything in a placid way. It was quite unnatural. But it was quite that she had always dealt it that way.

That made her go for the extremes. It almost killed her. Almost. Not yet. All of the chances that she could have died were numerious and counting. She wandered with her soul but her body motionless. Was this a daydream? It felt so. But what was a dream? It wasn't real. Every part of this was her subconscious in the madness of her own insanity.

She thought. She felt a tingling pain when Tyler mentioned his girlfriend. It was nothing but a gimmick. The pain wasn't real. In her life, there was one guy that she always felt what she had felt for. The exciting, nerve-wrecking but the bitter feeling she had felt. It was only for him. It had always been for him. Maybe she forgot about it. At the moment.  The spur of the moment.  Only so that of a reflection of her sun. She finally realised. She looked at him searching for Eric afterall.

But she had always loved him.

When she finally arrived home, she was tired and her eyes were completely drooping. One of them were half closed too. Her house was noiseless and pitch dark. It was scary for herself but using her phone, she managed to creep in. She sighed looking at the mess of her house. It felt as though of her own mind. Her own life.

She didn't even bother to change. She clumsily climbed up the stairs with her body aching with all her strength drained out, emotionally and physically. She wasn't even hungry. Her mind was always wandering in the whereabouts of nowhere.

She was on her bed. Staring at the blank ceiling, she felt empty. There was no sleep present no matter however late it had been. Possibly two in the morning. She  was up doing nothing but staring. Thinking. Should she call him?

Again. After all that hassle.

With no choice, she went downstairs searching for her phone. For all one knows where it had been kept. There was no memory of it. She felt pressured as she searched for it. But then she found something else on the table awaiting her.

Without waiting, she ripped it apart in all curiosity.

Love,
Eric.

She found her dress. Her pink dress. She had searched it else where but it was nowhere to be found. She gasped with her heart slightly fluttering. Her heart sped up quite a mile as her toes felt the weary coldness take over.  She was breathless.

Most of the times, she had found herself speechless in the presence of Tyler. But feeling breathless, seemed like the most of what she had felt in her heart. It was suddenly like it was enough for her. That when she interpreted Tyler's poem. What she felt. She was already in love. In madness. In the inevitability. 

Hence she understood. what felt like a wreck of a poem. To leave something so precious to her. Because she had always felt it. She let go just like she did. She felt the terrible ache suddenly raging inside her mind and tingling its way down slowly to her heart. She was numb. There was no way she could escape such thoughts.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

But.

What she breathed felt so hollow and unlikely. Was it the same thing that kept her going? She clutched her dress tighter to her own chest. Her breathing slowly ragged. She started to feel everything that she wrote. But something stopped her.

And so, she felt it in the soft cotton.

A stained tear.

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Thought of some extensions.  Jk.
It was 2 am before though. Now its 3.

Welll, this is the endddd. Tada. I've endeddd it ;o

I've ended my firssssst book ever. Thankyou all for reading it and please do tell me how you felt throughout the book. Bec that was the whole purpose of the  book. To absorb them emotions. But then I can't believe it! :'D

Ofcourse, there'll be an epilogue. Or maybe a sequel. If people tell me to continue tho.

I love you alll for reading this. I loved writing something completely different. But Ive felt the emotions myself even if they aren't relatable to me. Hope you did too.

-Reemah.