Roguish Women- Tommy Shelby

Deserving of Happiness

            "About?" Kate kept the distance between them. There was no reason for her to get closer to Tommy, not in any sense of the word.

"In the field, after Derby day." His hand left the door handle, indicating that he wouldn't be leaving any time soon. "You said I meant more to you than I knew." He reminded her.

She chewed on her lower lip. She had said that, although it was in the context that she thought he was going to be killed. Therefore, it would be something they wouldn't discuss further. "Yeah, and?"

"What did you mean by that?"

"It was-it was just something I said, Tommy, it didn't-" She sighed heavily and looked for an escape route. Something to say to make him drop the matter and never bring it up again. Unfortunately, she couldn't come up with one in the heat of the moment. There didn't seem to be anything that would distract him. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Because-"

"You could've asked me the day after or-or whatever but now? You're bringing it up days before your wedding? Are you looking for trouble?" She exclaimed.

"Because you said you loved me," Tommy spoke over her so she wouldn't interrupt again.

Her cheeks went red and she glared at him. "No, I didn't. I never said that to you."

His defenses went down a bit as he leaned against the wall nearest to him. He ran a hand over his face, preparing himself for the Pandora's box he was about to open. It had taken him such a long time to work up the courage to talk to Kate about it. He got even less sleep than usual because he was so at odds with himself. "You said it to me that night John brought you to my flat."

Horror crept up on Kate. She thought she was in the clear but her own drunken self had admitted everything, apparently. "You must have misheard me." Her voice was significantly quieter and she was finding it difficult to look at him.

"I didn't. You said you loved me but I was marrying Grace." He recounted for her. "I heard you clear as day, Kate."

A mixture of embarrassment and heartache settled in her throat like a rock. She wasn't waiting for Tommy to reciprocate her feelings. He wouldn't be marrying another woman if he loved her. If anything, she was waiting for him to laugh at her or remove her from the company.

Frustratingly, she felt tears forming in her eyes. God, she didn't want to cry in front of him. "Okay, so what?" She asked. "That doesn't change anything."

Tommy took a few steps toward her but stopped halfway across the room. "So, what you said is how you feel?"

"If you want me to look you in the eyes and say it, I won't." She swallowed and averted her eyes to the lavishly designed carpet. "Because I know it doesn't change anything."

"How do you know that?" It was a standoffish question. Tommy never liked to have his actions assumed.

"Because you've known for weeks and you didn't call off the wedding. Because she's pregnant and you won't leave her." Kate told him the two reasons she had to remind herself every night. The two reasons that they would never end up together.

"Kate..."

"It doesn't change anything." She reiterated. "I think you know that as well as I do. And if this is why you asked me to come earlier, then I'm sorry. I don't know what you were expecting."