Memorize (Book One)

Journeying Back

Journeying back to the Red City was a strange experience, suspended in a time of dread and hopefulness. Starling was piloting now, developing a close relation with the Pod. As soon as they left Sulphur Bay, he became intensely focused on the itinerary, his hand gently stroking the flypad, feeling the vibrations, correcting the trajectory. While the others had been watching a certain tiny white spot beside the turquoise lethal waters of Sulphur Bay, he had immersed himself in another world.

Since that instant, he had not shared a word or glanced at anyone. Kizuna, too, seemed very distressed, and she was indeed: Aura was on her mind, but not only that. She was worried for everyone, especially Jay. Their plan was very risky: would Starling and Ananda manage to stay hidden in the Waste Zone? Would herself and Arende succeed in pretending they had been lost in the desert? Wouldn't Epos betray them as soon as he could? Would Jay eventually escape and reach the Earth? And... would she stay on B24, knowing Jay was leaving for good? Deep in her heart, she knew already the answer. Her parents had almost reached the age for being reconditioned. She wouldn't see them again. And the world she had known didn't exist anymore. The experiment achieved on Starling had shattered all her trust in GloCo. She was afraid.

As for Ananda, she was absorbed by the pain Starling seemed to be facing. She also felt the adrenalin rushing through her body, at the thought of escaping with him and Jay. Surely this adventure sounded improbable, but she felt deeply alive. She was deeply revolted by what Starling had gone through. And although she cared for Aura, she understood every bit of Starling's resentment against him.

Only Jay and Arende seemed to brim with confidence, attracted by the prospect of finding again something they had lost, while Epos was his usual self: out of this world and ready to bite.

"When we arrive, we all know what we have to do... Epos, you'll be with me all the time. Don't even try to trick me. No matter what Aura says, I won't give you a chance."

Epos didn't answer, but the mischievious look on his face would have worried any normal man.

"But before we arrive, and since we have many hours ahead of us, there's something I need you to do. Follow me!"

Jay stepped confidently in the direction of the Rest Zone, a place where travellers could isolate themselves and relax on couches. As soon as Epos joined him, he put the Memory Box into his hands. The Head of the Intelligence Department diligently pressed his fingers on the edge of the Box. A gentle click resounded.

"Leave me, now," said Jay.

"Whatever's inside will scorch your brains. This will hurt you more than you imagine. Can't you just ..."

"Just what?"

"Let it go? Forget, like we all do?"

"I want to know all about my past. Who I was... Now leave me... please!"

"Suit yourself"

Epos left the Rest Zone, leaving Jay alone in the semi darkness. Through the small screendows, far, far away, immensity outstretched itself in tones of ocre and orange, developping rows after rows of dunes and mountains. Jay lied down on one of the couches, which immediately shivered and rearranged itself to adapt to his body's weight and shape. It somehow provided the same soothing comfort as the Dream Pod, and Jay laid his head down, placing the box on his stomach and gazing at the ceiling. Thousands of tiny light drops were falling in a constant repetitive hypnotic movement, in a swirling dance of pastel colours. Sighing softly, Jay shut his eyes, unexpectedly caught in a moment of hesitation.

What's in the box? What if I didn't like what I find in there?

"Are you alright, Jay?"

Kizuna was standing at the entrance of the Rest Zone, looking worriedly at him. Jay rose on his couch.

Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe now is all that matters.

"I am, Kiz. I'm just... going to look into my Memory Box. Aura had kept it for me."

"Oh, I see... I suppose I'd better go, then... But Jay, you know this is dangerous, right?"

"Thanks for caring, always." He paused. "You see, I need to face this. Alone. I'm just not sure I'll like what's inside..."

"Why? It's bound to be good memories, right? Do you fear it might... like, damage something? I mean, you've been reconditioned already."

"I don't really care about that, although now you mention it, you're probably right... No, it's something else."

"What is it, then?" said Kizuna, stepping towards Jay's couch and sitting next to him. For an instant, they contemplated the incessant ballet of light drops around them. They projected tiny reflexions on Kizuna's hair that Jay wanted to touch. They looked so smooth...

"Since... always... I've had weird flashes. Like erroneous memory bits. They don't make any sense. But they keep coming back."

"I don't suppose you could tell me what you see... I only hope it doesn't do you any harm?"

Jay laughed briefly. "Do I look like I can be harmed so easily?"

Again, that cascading laugh that sounded so familiar.

"No, actually. You want me to tell you how strong you look, right?"

"Yes please, flatter me!"

Kizuna punched Jay's solid chest with her small clenched fist, and he pretended to be knocked down, falling heavily on his couch. A shallow moment floated by, until they remembered one of them was going to plunge into his past.

"These flashes... They bring me back to ancient times."

"Ancient, how?"

"You know... The forbidden Times. The Old Days. The times before the Great Disease."

"How do you know?"

"I do... I always see the same woman. In an old house. An old stone house."

"Always the same woman?"

"Yes. And in that flash, I love her so much. And her place is my home too."

"I see..." said Kizuna, unable to hide her disappointment. "And it isn't the woman of your Vows?"

"No no, you don't see. It's not Hera. No, it's... someone else. She's an old woman."

"An old woman?"

"That's it. Like... like an Elder. In an old stone house. In a place I call home. And it's so damn beautiful there, Kizuna. The food. The plants. The light. The view. How I feel... And it's so real."

"How come? Listen, it's probably nothing. Just a figment of your imagination. After all, we don't really know how Second-Borns and Third-Borns are processed. Probably an old story that got stuck in your conditioning procedure."

"It's not, Kiz. It's not an error. Not in that way. I feel it. Just like I feel in my bones that Hera's my past and my future."

"Then, you have to look into that Box, and see what happens. Maybe you'll find an explanation? There's no other way now," said Kizuna softly. Her smile was gone now, and her beautiful eyes seemed darker.

"You're right, like always," answered Jay with a hint of a wink.

"I'll leave you to it, then," continued Kizuna, "but I won't be far. Call me if something goes wrong. Remember, I'm a Medic."

"Thank you, Kiz. You don't think I'm a freak, then?"

"Never. You trust your feelings and you keep your promises. I admire you for that."

Kizuna got up and left the Rest Zone, slowly.

I wish I was part of your dreams. Even the erroneous ones.