･• BROKEN •･

12. Try again

At 5 a.m. Jin was awake and practicing. Everyone were asleep but he was trying to breathe longer and better when it comes to move faster. While dancing, he saw manager coming in. The manager said: You're practicing?
Jin said wondering: You're awake?!
- yes. I didn't sleep last night. I was busy with work.
- You should be careful about your heal_
- listen, I don't need you to tell me things like this. You better mind your own business!
Jin felt bad and looked down. The manager sat on the chair in the corner of the practice room and said: what about you? What are you doing in this early morning?
- I'm practicing.
- really? Good luck. That's how a member of BTS must do. Now we can count on you.
Jin sighed and said: I'll... do my best.
- you must!
Then, he got up and went out of the room. Jin sat on the floor, thinking about what he heard last days...
He said to himself: "I should do something till the next concert... or I'll ruin everything they made these years... I don't wanna make them sad because of something unchangeable... so... I should leave!..."

After two hours hard practicing, he suddenly felt a strong, puncher pain in his chest. He stopped practicing and sat down, took a deep breath and tried to get calm. But his pain was getting worse...

When he tried to stand up, he felt dizzy and laid down. The pain was hurting him, but a worse damn pain was killing him inside...
He was feeling useless... when he saw his best friends trying as hard as they can, when he wasn't able to do better than this... and all he had done, was destroying their efforts...
The pain got worse. Now who can save him? He thought, being on a hospital bed till the end of his life, the fans will say: oh, what a weak boy! He was always weak, in dancing, in singing, and now, in surviving! What a weak boy...
A few seconds later, he was repeating with himself: what a weak boy...

His words stopped being said, with a boy coming in. The boy, who was one of the staff, thought Jin has just entered the room for the practice and said: are you laying down?! The practice is going to start and you're laying down? still sleeping?!!

Despite that hell pain he was in, he got up and acted like everything is alright, then said: sorry... I couldn't sleep well last night.
- but now is the time to practice, if you want to sleep, just stay in your bed! Then you'll see how they kick you out of the group!
"I said I'm sorry! Don't you understand it?!!" Jin yelled.

Everyone was shocked. Namjoon came in and said: what's going on here?!
Jin didn't stay anymore. He pushed Namjoon aside and went out. Out of the room, the members were ready to go in. Jin ran away without saying a single word...

After changing his clothes, he went out to get some fresh air. His chest was still hurting, but not as hard as before. His phone was ringing, but he didn't want to answer...
He thought: "I can't take this anymore... I yelled, not because I was angry, because I was afraid if I make everything worse... because I wanted to tell everyone I'm dying! To tell them I'm trying the hardest! But it's not useful! Because I'm not useful!.."

He immediately answered the phone and said loudly: I just wanted to say I'm_
- hurry and get yourself over here, idiot!
Was it... really... Namjoon?!