･• BROKEN •･

19. The End

Namjoon was sitting on the desk and writing something. Suga knocked the door, though it was open. Then said: still working?
- yeah...
- won't you come for the dinner? They're waiting for you.
Namjoon took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Suga said: you should rest. You're overworking.
Namjoon sighed and said: don't worry. I'll rest after finishing it.
He started to write again.
- can't you just postpone it?
- no... I have to finish it before his birthday... I want to give it to him as a gift.

Suga couldn't resist anymore. He wanted to leave him alone for a while to give him enough time to do his work, but he said before leaving: would you like to... see him tomorrow?

His head turned to Suga, his eyes were full of wonder.
- seriously?
- yeah, for real.
- but... what about our practice-
Suga cut his words: don't worry about that. I'll take care of it.

He sighed and took a deep breath. He wanted to do this, he wanted to see him soon...

The next day, Suga drove him to Jin's place. Namjoon got off the car and said: won't you come?
- no. I'd rather stay here and wait for you.
- ok then...
He closed the door and went to see Jin...

- Look, Jin. I got you flowers!
Standing in front of his tombstone, he put the flowers on his grave and sat there.
- it's been 1 year... I still can't believe you're not here anymore... do you remember, Jin? When you said what would you do if I die? I said... I would die too...

His tears started to come down from his eyes...
- that day... I really died inside!... the day you left me!...
He looked at his tombstone and read it: "Kim Seokjin. 1992 - 2021..."

- I promised you Jin... I promised to stay strong... and never give up after you... and I'll never break my promise!... all this time, I tried to stay strong... But... but I'm...
He didn't finish it and said: your birthday is coming. Please... look at me from there! I wanna give you a present!...

On the 2nd December night, The manager brought the group to a restaurant to release them from stress. The concert was going to be held in two days and they needed a night without stress and worry. The manager guided them to the big table in the center of the salon and told them: I ordered the bests of menu for you.
Then, the waiters came and served the table with seven sorts of food. Then they poured wine for everyone.
The manager said: cheers!
Suga asked him: why this much?
- well, I ordered different foods to your number.
Namjoon: but we're 6...
The salon got filled with silence. It took a little while untill the manager sighed and said: I... I thought...
- it's ok... we think he's still with us too...
Everyone looked at Jhope, except Namjoon that was playing with his spoon. Knock, knock, knock... It was the only sound in the salon.
- ok, the foods will get cold so let's eat!
Jungkook said to change the heavy atmosphere. But no one even tried. They were all staring at the table without saying a word. Namjoon was still beating on the table with the spoon, but harder and harder. Suga said: will you stop it please?
He wasn't listening. That sound was the only sound that was able to take his mind away from their words.
- STOP IT!
The spoon fell down from his hands when he heard Suga's angry words. He took a deep breath and said: I need some air...
Then went out of the salon. Jimin said: I don't think if he's good...
The manager: leave him alone for a minute.
He started to eat before them to make them eat too. So they picked up their spoons and started eating reluctantly. After 10 minutes of Namjoon's absence, Jhope stood up and said: I'll go check on him.
But before he took a step, Namjoon came in with a smile on his face. Everyone was surprised to see him like this after his last expression before leaving. He sat on the chair and said laughing: you started without me? How could you not call me?!
Tae said: well, we thought that...
- Kidding! don't let it get cold.
Then he raised his glass and said: cheers!
The others did it too. Nmajoon asked for more wine. Everybody were talking and didn't notice him, he was drinking too much. After a while, the manager noticed him and said: hey, you ok?
Namjoon laughed and said: isn't it obvious~?
- yeah it is, looks like you're having a good time here!
When they finished eating, the manager helped Namjoon to get on the van, then said: what a familiar scene!
Jhope said: time flies. like it was just yesterday when we had dinner with Seokjin.
No one said anything after that. remembering those days was hard enough, talking about it was worse. They went to their shared house which was prepared for them for the concert plans and practices. Jhope lied Namjoon down on the bed and got up to leave, but Namjoon said: Hoseok...
- yes?
- please... Stay a while...
Jhope sat on the bed. Namjoon said: I hate myself...
- why do you say that?
- he told me...
- what?
- he said... He's gonna die... But I didn't take it serious... If I just had noticed him...
- hey hey! Stop it! It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault.
- you don't understand how I feel...
He started crying and cursing himself.
- is that so? Little do you know Yoongi still can't eat naengmyun, because whenever he sees it he feels really bad and cries? Tae has hanged his pictures in his room, Jimin and Jungkook were massaging him for 6 months when they missed him. Even I, sometimes forgot it and called him, then I realized he's gone... But you know what's worse? I didn't hang up the phone, I waited and waited for him to answer. When I found out his mother gets sad when she sees his son's phone ringing, I stopped calling him. It helped me a lot to believe he's gone and calling him doesn't change anything...
Namjoon sighed and closed his eyes. He was getting calm. Then said slowly: am I able to forget him?
- he can never be forgotten... He'll live in our hearts and minds. But you have to accept it and let it go, unless you want to suffer more than this.
Namjoon didn't say anything more. Jhope said a goodnight to him and left the room. Though Namjoon was still feeling his tears coming down, but he was released...

In 4 december, a concert was held. BTS went on the stage, but no one was clapping or screaming. The fans knew a member is lost, they knew someone is not among them anymore...
But Namjoon went on the stage and said: today, is our precious Jin's birthday. So we decided... to make a song only and only for him... and give it to him in this day...

Then, the music started being played, and Namjoon started to sing...
All the time, the fans were amazed of the beauty of this song, also the sorrow in it was making them cry...

Namjoon was saying in his mind: please reach him! Reach him and show him how much we love him! Jin, are you watching us now?...

The song ended, the fans started clapping...