Only You (Sequel to Good Enough)

9

Jade **Warning Talks of Suicide in this Chapter**

Perrie is the girl that I fell in love with. If I could go back in time and stop myself from sleeping with Leigh-Anne than I would do it over and over again.

I'm still not even sure why I slept with Leigh-Anne in the first place. She is nothing compared to the gorgeous woman I get to call my wife.

She's absolutely perfect in every way. I wish that she knew just how much I truly loved her. She's the only thing that's ever on my mind. She's my everything. I love Perrie with my everything.

That's why I'm still here after she compared me to her abusive, asshole of an ex-boyfriend. I get extremely angry and emotional whenever I hear anything about him. I can only imagine how much pain Perrie is in for her to compare me to him.

Her words stung like a dagger. In fact it would probably be less painful. I can finally understand just how much pain I caused her. I can't stop beating myself up over this. I can feel her eyes staring at me as I'm staring off into space in such a deep trance about her.

I know that I need to figure out how to win her back and how to truly show her that I love her. I need to show her that she can trust me and that I will never cheat on her again. I know the saying is "once a cheater, always a cheater" but that is further from the truth. At least in my case it is.

I felt her shift slightly and I looked down at her. She seemed to be at peace while staring out into the ocean. I wanted to say something, but I just couldn't think of the words to say.

Luckily Perrie seemed to always know what to say. "Why didn't you leave?" She asked me. "Because I love you." I said simply to her. "Even after I compared you to." I stopped her as I knew thinking about him was painful for her. "I'll love you no matter what Perrie." 

I kissed her head softly. I felt Perrie shift once again as if she was attempting to stand up. "Where are you going?" I ask her. "Back to the room. I just need another moment." She says quietly.

"Perrie. Just let me be in the room with you." I said to her while getting up myself. I didn't trust her being that sad alone. I knew her past and that she struggled with self-harm and depression.

Perrie seemed to know exactly what I was thinking and she sighed while looking down. "Perrie. You mean so much to me. I would do anything to see you smile. Anything. Please let me show you how much you mean to me." I told her.

"Okay." She whispered. I took her hand and led her back to our hotel room.

Once we arrived at the hotel room, I sat her on the bed and took out my journal.

"Jade what's this?" Perrie asks me while taking the journal. "Just read it. Most of them are about you." I said to Perrie. I could write much better than I could ever express in my emotions.

Perrie

I was handed a journal by Jade. She told me to read it and I started to read it. I realized that most of the entries were between the time we got married and when we left for our honeymoon. It was a month long period just because we didn't want to take off right away since we planned on being gone for a long time.

Oh Perrie. My sweet Perrie. If only you knew how much I love you. You don't even know what I did. I cannot forgive myself for what I did to you. I don't know how to even tell you. You've been doing so good with everything recently.

You finally trust me. And I stupidly fucked it up. I can not justify what I did. I cannot believe that I slept with another woman. God I will never forgive myself. I have been having horrible thoughts recently. My mental health is not good anymore. I want to kill myself, but I know that would hurt you more. I just wish I could change the past. I wish I could look you in the eyes and confess. My love, my happiness, my wife please if you ever find out please never leave. I would be broken without you. I don't think I could live without you.