Between Two Worlds (Aizawa x Reader)

Chapter Twenty: Shower Thoughts

(Aizawa's POV)

As I shut the door behind me, I buried my face into my hands in frustration.

'Did I really just say that to her? What am I thinking?' I thought.

I know I've been pushing my luck as far as boundaries go. Not only with pinning her at the gym, but then just awhile ago on the couch.

'I had my reasons, right? I had to teach her a lesson. I'm just trying to help her learn and grow.' I internally argued as I took off my shirt. Even I wasn't believing what I was telling myself. At least, not completely.

'I mean, sure, how I was doing it was a little frisky, but nothing happened.' I kept thinking, until it hit me.

...But she kissed me.

'No, no, no. She said she was only trying to distract me so she could get out of the pin. That's all. It meant nothing.' I thought some more as I continued to get undressed.

'But I saw the way she reacted to being pinned. I could feel her heart racing. Her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of red...and I wouldn't mind seeing her turn red on other places- Oh my God, Aizawa! Stop!' I thought as I grimaced, holding onto the sink, 'Stop, stop, stop. I can't do this to her. She's not supposed to be here. She doesn't belong here.'

I could feel my grip tightening as I continued to fight with myself in my head. I took deep breaths, trying to make the mental arguing subside.

'I'm only here to help her. Getting involved in any other way isn't part of the plan, and it could massively screw things up for her.'

I let go of the sink, and took one more deep breath before turning on the shower faucet, and stepping in.

Feeling the warm water rinse off the grim and sweat from today felt nice. The heat was already helping me relax the tension in my shoulders and neck.
Now if only my brain would relax.

'It meant nothing. But I can't help but wish that it meant something. She doesn't belong here, but she would be safer here with me. Maybe even happier.' I thought as I stood still in the shower, letting the water hit me.

'That's not my decision to make. That's not fair to her.'

I sighed as I grabbed the shampoo and started to lather up my hair.

'I'm just infatuated. That's all.'

As I finished rinsing out the contents in my hair, I tried to just focus on cleaning myself with soap, rather than continue to be distracted by my persistent shower thoughts. It was difficult, but I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere by consistently arguing with myself.

After turning the shower off, I opened the shower door and grabbed the nearby towel off the rack. It was still a little bit damp, but at least dry enough for me to use.

Maybe I should invest in getting an additional towel.

After wrapping the towel around my hips, I began to undo the damp bandages on my arms so that I could swap them out. As I did, I began to see the giant scar on my right elbow. The damage that was done by Shigaraki during the USJ fight was intense. At this point I was just glad to still have an arm. I was extremely lucky to say the least.
Then again, so was my student, Tsuyu.
Had I not intervened, she would've died. I would've never been able to live that guilt down. The fact that Doe knew it would happen only made me want to know about what else was bound to happen.
What other horrors awaited us? How many are we going to lose? Which of my other students are at risk?

'For what it's worth, if it were bad, I wouldn't be as calm as I am now.' I remembered her say to me last night, or rather, early this morning. Her voice echoed beautifully in my mind, and it calmed me and my nerves.
Though I was grateful to have her help me feel balanced in some ways, I hated feeling this powerless. It only reminded me of the fight at Tasomiya Ward all those years back.
A time where I felt truly powerless.

A time it cost a life.

My friend's life.

I didn't want to screw things up again. I couldn't. There were too many lives at stake. I had to be strong. I needed to be smarter than this. For my students. For me. For Doe.

As I finished wrapping up one of my arms with new gauze, I went ahead and carefully undid the guaze on the left side. The stitches across my arm, from where they were broken by the Nomu, were all along my forearm up to my bicep.
What exactly was that thing?
Where did it come from?
How many of them are there?

I really wanted these questions answered. And if I couldn't rely on Doe to give me the answers, I needed to figure them out myself or with the staff. If it was just one of those things, I wouldn't be nearly as worried. But if there were more, and I had a feeling that there were, we needed a plan and fast.

Unfortunately, I knew there wasn't much I could do presently, as I finished wrapping the new gauze around my arm. I'm still out of commission until this weekend is over, and until I got the approval from the medical team to proceed with regular nightly patrols.
Until then, I'm stuck here.
With Doe.
Alone.

I sighed.

'I've got my work cut out for me.'

I then realized that I had forgotten to grab an extra pair of clean clothes before getting in the shower. A mistake I've made numerous times before. Normally, there wouldn't be a problem, as I could just walk out in the buff and grab new clothes. But that was no longer the case.
Now there's a woman here.
Who I'm obviously attracted to.
And she's outside in the living room.

Shit.

'Alright, just keep your cool. Just walk out and straight to your room with the towel. You both are mature enough to handle this situation. Just don't make eye contact.' I thought to myself.

I let out an exhale and opened the door, and took a step out.

'Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look...' I repeated to myself.

My eyes had a mind of their own, apparently, as they quickly darted to her direction in the living room.
To my surprise, and relief, I saw her asleep on the couch. Her head resting on the arm, with her arms cushioning her face.

'Well, that's just my luck.'