I Found You~Jack Gilinsky and Taylor Caniff~ (Sequel to Lost)

Chapter Thirteen ~A Ticking Time Bomb~

A/N Hey guys, sorry for being dead for like seven years... I am so grateful for all of the people who are still backing my fanfics and it never fails to amaze me how many of you are reading them and are voting and commenting. I love every second of it and when I first started Lost I never thought that it would become so big and successful and I owe it all to you guys. I hope that you're still enjoying IFY and tht u guys still like reading it. I see so many of you spamming Lost with comments and votes and all I can say is thankyou so much you don't know how much it means to me *inserts fangirl emoji*. This chapter is dedicated to the following people: the girl who added Lost to their reading list on Boxing Day and then we had a short chat after ;), the girl who found my comment in The Cheerleader and The Bad Boy, ps ily too and also to the countless number of people who added my books to their reading lists and followed me as well.

Anywhore, here is the next chapter of IFY....

Any sign of vulnerability is an invitation for pain ~A.N~

~Jack's POV~

When my eyes snapped open to the darkness of the night I knew that my head had finally found something that we hadn't tried yet. Track her. Tracking her...fuck how had I not thought of this before? My hand groped around in the darkness trying to find the familiar circular button of my phone. The bright display momentarily blinded me but when my eyes focused I could see that it was 2am. Screw it this is more important than sleep. Not something I say often actually. I dimmed the brightness and was now fully alert and it was as if a time bomb had been placed in front of me.. my desperation increasing as the time decreases. I clicked on the app that Jack made us all install last summer as a handy thing that we could use to meet up after a crazy escape from an out of hand event or something. My eyes scanned the app page clicking furiously as I saw a group that had Jack, Chloe, Nikki, Ana and I in it; could this be my chance? Holding my breath I timidly tapped on the chat but then cried out in frustration at what I saw. Chat Expired. What fucking bullshit is this? I can't believe this, letting anger overwhelm me I threw my phone at the wall in one fast movement. Shit. I shouldn't have done that. I forced myself to breathe in calmly one breath in, one breath out. Come on Jacky boy we got this on lock. Stepping hesitantly towards my phone I picked it up and surveyed the damage. A chip in the corner? Is that all? I scoffed and then sat down back on my bed. With my head in my hands I rubbed my temples trying to think and calm down slowly... but it didn't work. YOU NEED HER BACK THAT'S WHY IT'S FUCKING NOT WORKING my conciousness screamed at me and inner Jack was right. I do need her back. I need her with me smiling, laughing, happy, making me smile, laugh and be happy. Think Jack think. What can you do to connect Ana's phone to your's and then find her?

~Ana's POV~

My eyes closed and I inhaled what I intended to be my last breath. Nothing was going to stop me now. Although some might have said that I'm being drastic or that I'm throwing my life away, they don't understand. I don't have my life within my own grasp anymore, nothing is my choice anymore and there is possibly no way to sway that and change that. Some things in life you can avoid, change and it will be as if it was never there. But then there are the other things in life that you can't just avoid, dismiss or ignore, it will be there taunting you until you give in to it; succumb to its pressure. These unavoidable things are the things that tear me down, they harm me, they define my weakness. But the worst part is the fact that there is no way to avoid them because they're me. They're my demons, my hauntings, my problems. They fuck you over and hang over you like a veil until you can no longer see past the darkness; it consumes you. And there is nothing you can do about it. There is no where you can press rewind or stop, it's a constant tape with no hope of ever stopping and they aren't going to stop. Not then, not now, not ever. And they know that. But towards the back of your sanity you know that too. And that is the worst thing... knowing that you were destined to fail and not understanding why you cannot be normal and get along with people normally. This is what happens to a soul when their demons are called anxiety, depression, anorexia and the boss of them all: Mr Not Knowing Your Meaning. He haunts me the most. He knows what he does to me but he does it anyway. Haunts me. Harms me. Destroys me. Kills me. And there is nothing I can do about it. There is no way I can gain the control, the hope, the happiness that I once had as a child. But there was nothing that ever said that it was all a lie. A lie when they smiled and said you won't feel a thing. But they knew that I would feel everything. Concealed behind happiness and smiles was death and disaster; and there was no warning. No warning of the hopeless feeling that would suffocate me, drown me, surround me and then take my soul and surrender it to the darkness of life. These are the thoughts that swim around in my head all day everyday. Although I hate them and want to be normal I can't. There is no normal for me and I can't ever seem to escape that. For once in my life I want to succeed in finding myself and keeping myself content and this has always been with Jack but now I don't know what to do. I feel empty, barren, dead. There is nothing more that I can do to change my fate. So why not accelerate the process a bit?

There is my escape. My plan. The beginning of my end.

And there is a simple way to get this. A gun. Where can I get one? I wondered the same thing but when you are left to rot in a dank and live wired place it gets you thinking. I discovered an electrical box in the corner of the room. Now this being anywhere else it probably would've been closed up and safe but this isn't anywhere else this is here and this is now. The thin metal which serves as a door is completely open and is only just hanging on the rusted hinges. The wires inside are almost completely covered but they are most definitely live. The parts that aren't covered are always the edges of the wires and in occasion they sometimes touch each other, and when they do; fireworks erupt. I watch  the sparks dance up in front of me, the bright glow illuminating my face. I see the danger but instead of making me withdraw it entices me, makes me hungry for more. I often sit in front of the box watching the sparks fly and letting them take over my head, mind, being. They distract me. Distract me from this evil world that I live in; one where there are no other options apart from survive by yourself or you can die. One or the other. A crossroads if you like; except the survival lane is slimmer and more crowded. It's always better and nicer to take the other exit out of this life. To die.

Voices in my head scream at me Don't give up we can do this it's okay we can get through this

I want them to stop. They are feeding me bullshit and lies and are doing nothing but brainwashing me into thinking that I actually have a chance... I don't. It's not fair this life of ours but we never learn a goddamn thing. People break. People can't carry on with their lives anymore and this is worse than a murderer because the murderer is you and you are the victim. Our minds are subjective to feeling all of these things but do we really feel? Do we really belong? Do we really understand what this life is that we're living. These are the questions of Mr Not Knowing Your Meaning. This is why he torments me and attacks me the most. Some say that the gullible are the weakest, when in actual fact they are not weak they are just afraid. Fear is unavoidable but it is never seen as anything other than bad... But should it be good? These questions will probably never be answered and I don't have anything stopping me apart from my family. Jack  and Taylor. All of the girls and guys... They probably think I am dead anyway... And soon they won't be wrong.

tbh guys it was killing me that I hadn't updated in so long and I hated doing this to you guys cos I feel so horrible but 🎣... anywhore my friend JUST started writing a Sammy Wilk fanfic😏😏 yehhh tht's right I'm looking at all you Sammy girls cos she has skills! Check her out: soph_wilk_johnson and her fanfic is called True or False 

I LOVE YOU😘😘😘😘