BLAMELESS | michaeng

Chapter 19- Some lines aren't meant to be crossed

Chou Tzuyu's Point of View

Everything's been quite complicated lately. With so many things happening around me, I do not know where to actually concentrate. I don't know where to begin. I do not know what really is going on, I am in a state wherein I am just very confused. I am not just confused about one thing. I am confused with almost everything that's going around in my life right now. It's just overwhelming. Everything is overwhelming.

With the academics pulling me by the hair, the school festival bruising my ribs, the pressure from my family for me to go home, everything about that fucking lunatic Min Woo, and my growing feelings for Sana unnie. Everything is just ... it's all so complicated. I just wish I could disappear, just for a day and not be involved with anything. Just me and this entire blankness. That would be nice. I would want that.

All of this is exhausting. I don't even know if I have the right to complain. Am I allowed to complain? That's okay, right? It doesn't matter, right? I'm the only one who could hear my thoughts. I guess that's the only nice thing about this. I can be very stressed but at the same time I can just appear okay on the outside. No one can hear my thoughts. They don't know what I am thinking. No one knows what I am going through.

I just sigh and prop both my arms on the table, resting my chin on my palms in the process. Is peace not the norm? Is that what life is all about? Chaos? That must not be it, right? There must be some other answer to all these questions. Is this the peak of my life? Does everything go downhill from here? Will I grow old and become miserable? Sometimes, being alone scares me. All these thoughts, all these thoughts consume me. I am stressed out, everything is just so noisy. Can't things be quiet even just for a day? Just for a day, that's all I want.

"Yoda-yah, what is it?" Kim Dahyun slides to the seat next to me. I almost didn't notice her because of the things I've been thinking . Damn, I need to manage my thoughts. I stared at her and gave her this look of acknowledgement, as if telling her 'hey'. She just bobbed her head up and down, as if jamming to some music inside her head.

"Great. You actually came." I smile at her, I don't even know what to feel right now. Everything's just so confusing. She stared at me for a while and then she gave me this look. The type of look that suggested she's confused.

"Yeah. You want to talk about something?" She asked me, she almost sounds nonchalant. I had to scratch my head, I don't know where to begin. Should I just dump all my thoughts to her? No. That would be rude.

"Do you want chicken and beer?" I asked her, her eyes lit up and she immediately nodded. Well, that's all I need for confirmation.

We both had to get out of that restaurant, I always thought it might be nice in there but it seemed like the place was suffocating. We both needed a place which was open, had natural light, and generally just not stuffy. We both need that. These days I feel like being in a stuffy room is the norm, I just need a break. I think Dahyun needs a break too, she's just like me too.

"That would be fifty thousand won." The delivery guy mumbles under his breath, he was obviously tired. The poor guy had to locate us over and over and check where we actually situated our seats in the Han River.

"Fifty?! What? Is that chicken fried in gold infused oil or something?" Kim Dahyun started to nag, I can hear her even though I am reasonably far away trying to set up our seats. What is her problem again?

"Maám?" The delivery guy stammered, he was obviously taken aback with how the blonde girl reacted. The guy just stood there with our delivery. I had to walk over to them.

"Fifty thousand won? Isn't that a little too hefty?" Dahyun complains once again. "I'm usually polite but isn't that too damn steep? It's just chicken." She adds, her voice becoming increasingly frustrated by the second.