𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞 - 𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐯𝐞𝐬

(THIRTY)

"Hey, Sooyoung," Jiwoo said, "I know it's our first day back, but do you want to ditch with me? I can't... I can't be here right now."

Sooyoung could hear that Jiwoo was on the brink of tears. "Of course," she replied, "Do you want me to stay with you today?" Jiwoo nodded. "My house or yours?" Jiwoo opened her mouth to speak, but only a choked sob came out, so she simply pointed at herself. That's when Sooyoung knew this was really bad; Jiwoo had told her about previous instances where she couldn't make herself speak for months at a time. Though she never provided details, it always came back to Songhee. She wasn't sure that that's what this was, but she knew she had to remove Jiwoo from the situation.

When they arrived back at the Kim house, Jiwoo immediately broke down sobbing. Sooyoung reached out to hold her, but hesitated. "Jiwoo," she whispered, "Is it okay if I touch you? I want to help you calm down, but only if you're okay with it." Instead of answering, Jiwoo flung herself into Sooyoung's arms and cried even harder.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that," Jiwoo choked out.

"No, no, no, peach. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you've had to go through all of that. You don't deserve that," Sooyoung reassured her.

Jiwoo shook her head. "I do," she insisted, "I do. It's my fault, I did this to myself."

"What makes you think that?"

Jiwoo inhaled slowly, her whole body shaking as she tried to regain her composure. "Can we talk about this in my room?" Sooyoung nodded, and she leaned on the older girl for support as they climbed up the stairs.

They sat on opposite ends of Jiwoo's bed facing each other. "I know this will change how you see me," Jiwoo warned. "I'll spare you the details of some of the worst parts, but really, they all kind of suck..." With a halfhearted fake laugh and a heavy sigh, she decided she'd lay it all bare. She was absolutely convinced that Sooyoung would abandon her after this, so she may as well abandon Jiwoo for a legitimate reason. Fighting back tears, Jiwoo told her story for the first time in her life.

"It started when I was 13. Songhee kissed me in the library, and she told her friends about it. They asked if I'd do things for them, too. And I did. All I wanted was to be a good friend, to be well-liked and valued for once. By the time I was 14, I had a reputation for being 'easy'. By 15, I was pretty much a free hooker. I thought... I thought it would make me happy, to make other people feel good. God, the things I let people do to me... they're disgusting. They're unforgivable. I hate myself for what I let happen to me. I didn't want any of it. But no one ever took no for an answer. So I eventually just stopped saying no. What was the point, right? It never stopped. That's all anyone valued me as. I'd get passed off to strangers at parties, teachers after school, other students during class – it didn't matter who, where, or when it was. If somebody wanted me, they'd have me. There was no other option."

By this point she wouldn't look at Sooyoung. She'd seen people who were disgusted by her before, but Jiwoo knew she couldn't handle seeing the way Sooyoung would look at her after what she'd just learned.

Sooyoung, however, felt her heart ache at Jiwoo's story. How could she be such a kind, genuine person after being treated that way for years? And how could people treat someone as wonderful as Jiwoo in such a terrible manner?

"Chuu..." she hesitated. "Look at me." Jiwoo refused. But Sooyoung was determined to show Jiwoo that she cared and still viewed Jiwoo as a good person. She crawled across the bed toward the small girl and sat next to her. She followed through her familiar routine: take Jiwoo's hand and let her feel her heartbeat, and look into her eyes and try to soothe her. "Please, little peach, please look at me." Jiwoo finally looked up, and Sooyoung smiled brightly as tears began to stream down her cheeks.

Jiwoo was shocked. Why wasn't Sooyoung absolutely repulsed by her? She didn't try to pull away when Jiwoo reached up to wipe her tears away. "You don't hate me?"

Sooyoung coughed and sniffled, wiping her tears. "Jiwoo, I could never hate you," she declared, "I have so much respect for you. You're such a strong person, and you haven't gotten bitter with the world for the shitty things that happened to you. You kept your head above water for so long." She pulled Jiwoo in close. "I think it's time you let someone else keep you afloat. You deserve to rest."