Learning to Love the Other Side

Did You Bring The Tobacco? (James)

Dear Ma and Pa

First I want to say Im real sorry aunt Sarahs son died in batle. Please give her and uncl Gorge my respects. Johny was a real good man and ill sure miss seein him. I will be makin' sure to be saying my prayers at nite Ma but i aint sure God is goin to be hearin my prayers with what i have done. i don't think he's going to have much mercy with me. Im thinking about your cookin again Ma and Im real hungry these days. Well got to go.

Your son James Goldby

The past week or so had been brutal both mentally and physically for James and the other soldiers. James was getting increasingly good at blocking out his thoughts about killing other people and the grisly realities of war. Though, he never fully stopped thinking about those things, nor did the nagging guilt of killing another man ever fully leave his mind, but he was no longer letting it control him or run his thoughts or emotions. He was becoming hardened, and he knew it and welcomed it; it was the only way James could cope and survive the battlefield. He was becoming more and more hellbent on ending the war and spending every inch of brainpower and energy he had to protect his friends. James knew one of his best traits was his loyalty, but he never knew how much keeping his friends alive weighed on his chest until he almost lost some of his battle buddies during the war. He was beginning to despise war and hoped to God that it would end soon. He would never desert, but he wanted so badly to escape the life he was in at the moment. He wanted to see his family, play with Mae Mae, and perhaps find a pretty girl while he was at it. Someday, James thought.

"You sure you ain't hungry, Fitzgerald? You look paler than a ghost," James said, nudging his worn and torn boot against the other man's boot. 

"I told you, Golby, I can't keep nothin' in." 

James looked at the older man. He wasn't much older, maybe three or four years older than James. "You have to eat, or you ain't goin' be able to keep marchin'," James said, as he scooped some tobacco into his mouth. 

James began to suck on the spicy tobacco, enjoying the flavor of it. He knew his Ma wouldn't approve, but the fact was, she wasn't there to tell him off for it. Plus, he was a man now, fighting in the war. He would do what he wanted. 

"I'll be fine, Golby. Don't you go frettin' over me. And, you is skinny too, so don't be botherin' me about it," Fitzgerald replied offhandedly. 

James' eyes narrowed as he gazed at his comrade. He spit some of the tobacco juices out of his mouth. 

"Yeah, well, I ain't goin' to be writin' your misses about you dyin' out here cause you ain't eatin'. Besides, I am eatin'," James replied stubbornly. 

James was very skinny himself, and he had noticed his ribs poking out more than they should and his overall appearance shifting from lean muscle to a more boney appearance. But he knew was eating as much as he was given; Fitzgerald had been giving his rations to James. 

James shoved some hardtack into Fitzgerald's boney hands, not taking no for an answer. James knew that the older soldier had been struggling with what he thought maybe to be dysentery, but he wasn't entirely sure. He was sure of the fact that if he didn't eat, he wouldn't be able to keep up. 

"Have some worm castles. Delicious little buggers will give you some protein," James laughed at his own joke, and Fitzgerald chimed in with a chuckle. 

The hardtack was ridden with worms and other insects, but the soldiers were running out of food, so they ate what they could get. 

A cool breeze washed over James' tanned skin, causing his blonde and overgrown hair to ruffle and become windswept over his blue eyes. He yawned as he lounged against an oak tree and peered around the camp curiously. 

He was waiting for the signal, but he hadn't seen Adam in around an hour.  Adam had conspired along with some of the other young and rebellious soldiers to meet some Union soldiers after dusk to trade tobacco for coffee and maybe some news. James agreed to tag along, because he was curious, and he didn't mind flirting with danger every now and again. 

"How goes it, Goldby?" 

James looked up to see White standing over him, casting a welcoming shadow over James' sweaty face. 

"Ain't too bad. Me and Fitzgerald just talkin'."

"Say, you goin' to be comin' with us tonight?" James asked in a lowered tone, his eyes glancing around to make sure only White and Fitzgerald had heard his question. 

White's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Hell no, I ain't fixin' to be shot. You're crazy, Goldby."

James shrugged. "I ain't gonna be the crazy one when I come back with coffee," James replied with a confident wink.

After the sun had set and the soldiers began to retire for the night, James was met with a wild-eyed and excited Adam. His look reminded James of when Adam had told him he was signing up for war. James knew what they were about to do was probably going to be a bit risky, but he too felt excitement rush through his veins. 

"You ready to meet some Yanks?" Adam asked eagerly. 

"Sure am," James replied, a twinkle in his eyes. 

The two boys hadn't had a lot of fun since joining the war and had mostly fought fatigue, blisters, and for control over the mind during battle. Tonight, however, would be a little different.

James and Adam met up with a couple of other soldiers and began to make their way towards the enemy camp. They weren't far, and it wouldn't be long before they were talking with the enemy and exchanging news and goods. 

It was a windy night, and the breeze rustled against the tall grass and leaves. The bright moon provided an eerie glow that helped guide the boys towards there destination. James felt his heart pounding against his chest and his thoughts were running wild with curiosity and an inkling of a thought of danger. 

The boys waited at their meeting spot, and before long, the sound of boots softly thudding against the grass alerted the boys that their enemy was approaching. A white makeshift flag made out of a torn shirt was held high above the ground and billowed in the wind as a peace offering. Just below the flag were five boys dressed in smart, blue uniforms with similar looks of excitement and fear.

"Did you bring the tobacco?"

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