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i laid on the bed with a groan. my whole body felt weak, my head was spinning and i felt exhausted as if all the strength in my body had been washed away. starving myself for the week and going under a liquid diet had been way easier than i ever would have thought. i first discovered the diet after watching one of iu's old interviews and she mentioned she used to do it often for filming music videos. for me, i was trying to look good for my interview tomorrow at yg entertainment. according iu, you had to drink a lot of water for five days straight, like 3 liters per day and then on the sixth day you stopped drinking, but the body continued the diuretic effect. on the seventh day, you looked like a skeleton.
i felt very weak, like i was going to collapse anytime soon, but i hoped to feel better by tomorrow. maybe seeing the results would make feel less miserable and better abut myself. it was very tough getting through the diet. the first two days, i was hungry, very hungry. by the third day, i started crying. i couldn't take it anymore. i really couldn't, but i had to. i wanted to look good for my interview, even if it made me physically sick. i didn't think i'd ever come to this, to be honest, part of me hated me for it but the other begged me to commit. and so i did. it was the sixth day of the liquid diet and i still hadn't eaten anything. i no longer felt hunger. i just felt empty and tired. it was the sort of emptiness and exhaustion that couldn't be fulfilled no matter how many hours of sleep you got. . .
i woke up the next morning, staring at myself in the mirror. i had never looked this slim before. my skin was pale, pale as death with jagged cheekbones. i slowly pulled my shirt up, seeing how frail my skin looked, the bump of each rib visible. her legs looked thin, almost as thin as twigs. i couldn't believe the water diet had actually worked! i hated myself for doing this, but at the same time i was happy with the results. it was fucked up and i knew, but i just couldn't stop and eat like a normal person for once, because all i heard was that one voice in my head that killed any sense of self-worth and self-love i held within me.
i tried to dress in my most fashionable clothes, but they looked too big on me and the pants were a bit too lose. i ended up wearing a pair of black sweats, which i tightened around my waist a lot and a matching crop top. i did my make up, smiling brightly, even if my hands were shaking and the room around me was spinning. i somehow managed to make it to the agency and the receptionist was kind enough to walk with me towards the interview room. it seemed as if i wasn't the only one, because there had to be at least 15 or 20 other girls waiting outside a room and chatting with one-another. the entertainment looked tremendously huge, everything looking as if it was out of a movie. there were glass chandeliers, marble floors and white walls with golden trims. it almost looked unreal. too unreal. time seemed to pass slowly, too slowly and i felt even more drained by the minute.
"kim jisoo? is there a kim jisoo?" i heard someone asked and i quickly raised my hand. a man stood by the door of the interview room and he gave me a smile before signalling me to get inside. i silently walked inside of the room, my eyes landing on the chair in the middle of the room. there was a wooden desk across from it with a gorgeous woman holding a camera.
"hello," the woman greeted, gesturing for jisoo to sit down.
butterflies started flapping their wings aggressively in my stomach as i slowly sat down.
"give a brief introduction of yourself, please."
i nervously looked at the camera, stretching my lips into a smile while fiddling with my fingers. "h-hi, my name's kim jisoo. i'm 19. i'm a college student." i answered, biting on her lower lip afterwards. should i say more? should i have said less? i didn't know. i felt very conflicted, nervousness piling up in the pit of my stomach.
the woman behind the camera remained stoic, disinterested almost. "why did you choose to pursue a career as a model?"
crap. what should i answer to that? i was somewhat interested in fashion, but never really thought about modeling before. the only reason i came here was because i needed some sort of income and i didn't want to ask my parents for more money. i couldn't say that though, it wouldn't sound good.
"u-um, well, i was always interested in fashion. i never thought i was the right size or shape for modeling work, but after i was approached by one of your talent scouts, i started to think about it and decided to try it out."
"try it out?" the woman laughed. "so you're not serious about being a model?" she asked, her face hidden behind the camera, but i could easily tell she was displeased at my answer.
my lips parted and i was about to say something in reply, but got interrupted by the woman, who continued talking.
"listen here, the entertainment industry doesn't need people, who are here to 'try it out'. you either want this or you don't. if you're here to 'give it a try', then i suggest you leave. there are many people, who would kill to be in your place, right now, but very few people get the chance. consider yourself lucky for that. i might as well kick you out now, you obviously don't meet the requirements and you look awful. and judging by your fashion sense, you look like you crawled out of a dumpster."
i stared at the woman, brows furrowing slightly as i decided to look down at my lap instead. i didn't like the way she addressed me or the hurtful words she said to me. she had no right to judge me like that.
when i looked up, the room had started to spin again. the woman was on every side of the room, moving around me with that camera of hers and watching my every move. i closed my eyes shut, trying to get myself back together. i heard the woman's muffled voice in the background, but i didn't catch any of her words.
"my, my, i didn't expect you to be this aggressive, chaemin."
i slowly opened my eyes and glanced towards the door, now seeing a young woman resting against it with her arms crossed over her chest. her hair was raven black, piercing blue eyes focused on the woman behind the camera as an amused smile rested on her lips.
chaemin froze like a deer caught in the headlights, turning to look at the unknown woman by the door. "i'm simply doing my work. what are you doing here, lisa?" she snapped, running a hand through her blonde hair. "don't you have anything better to do than sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?"
"oh, i do have a lot of things to do, but annoying you is always my top priority," she replied, looking down at her black nails instead with a bored expression on her face, before they narrowed at her. "i wonder how our boss would react if she heard you were out here scaring and offending potential models into leaving the interview."
her teeth gritted and hands clenched into fists. "you wouldn't,"
the corner of lisa's lips twitched into a cocky smirk before she slowly started to walk towards chaemin. "try me. you've been around for way too long in this agency, pretending you have good intentions when we both know the filth that hides under those angelic eyes."
"you brat! this is being recorded! d-do you think threatening me will help your modeling career if this gets out?"
lisa's calm and collected posture stayed the same nonetheless. i had no idea what was going on between the two and how it all went from answering interview questions to watching this go down. i didn't even know if i was supposed to get out or not, because the conversation seemed kind of private and judging by how stiff chaemin's posture was, this was definitely something she didn't want to get out.
"do you think they'll believe you, a mere interviewer? if shit hits the fan, then at least i have a witness, who i'm sure will be more than happy to explain everything from the very beginning." the model noted before turning her head to look back at me with a smile. "what's your name, sweets?"
"k-kim jisoo," i replied, my eyes meeting her blue ones. that's when her lips stretched into another smile, so bright and rare that unbeknownst to me, i smiled back like an idiot.
