Times of the Past

A Few Important Conversations

     "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Master Jinn. Nothing has been going on between myself and Obi-Wan," Satine said cooly.

     Qui-Gon arched his brow, as if to question whether she took him for a fool. "The two of you seem a lot closer than you were when I left you both months ago. I wouldn't be surprised if the two of you had, perhaps, developed feelings for one another?"

     Satine narrowed her eyes in return. "I know it would be against your code for a Jedi to form an attachment. Obi-Wan and I are strictly friends, nothing more."

     Smiling humorlessly, Qui-Gon replied, "Good."

     That led them to a long patch of silence.

     Satine felt like her heartbeat was thundering in her ears, and she closed her eyes momentarily to calm down.

     It was quite some time later when she wrangled up the courage to speak to Qui-Gon again. She knew it was absurd to be nervous to speak to him. He was like a father figure to Obi-Wan, and he was currently helping her survive. She should see him as a friend.

     "Why... why can't the Jedi form attachments? Really?" she asked quietly.

     Qui-Gon looked over at her, and for once he could simply see her as a young woman who was tired and afraid, rather than a duchess who had appearances to worry about.

     "Obi-Wan said that they can lead you to darkness," she continued. "But surely that's not the case for everyone..."

     "Has Obi-Wan ever explained the Jedi Code to you?"

     When he saw her nod, he went on.

     "We Jedi are encouraged to be compassionate from the time we are taken in as younglings. Some say it's meant to encourage us to be selfless so that we are always willing to work in service of the Republic and its citizens. However, sometimes I think it's encouraged so we have a way to express our emotions within safe limits," he admitted. "There is no emotion; there is peace."

     "So, you're saying you're told to be compassionate so you don't bottle everything up? That only makes it sound worse."

     "Well, on the contrary, I think the Jedi are actually afraid of just how much emotion we all may have. They're worried we will be too zealous, too protective, or even too joyful. By telling us to focus on compassion, they feel that we will redirect our emotions for the good of others. They try to ignore the fact that we may sometimes experience heightened emotions because we are essentially hyper-aware of what is going on around us. We can pick up others' feelings and experience them ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it.

       "I think when the Jedi say no attachments, they say that because they fear the Jedi who gets too wrapped up in his emotions and becomes unpredictable. They worry that in our love for another, we may ultimately choose that person over the greater good, if it came to that point," he finished.

     "But that still doesn't make much sense," Satine argued. "True love should be considered the most pure thing to exist. By being compassionate towards everyone, doesn't that mean you are being told to love everyone and accept them? Why can't a Jedi have someone to lean on then? If you spend your entire lives relying on yourselves, won't some of you become bitter and burnt out from placing others' happiness above your own?"

     Qui-Gon looked her in the eyes. "I'm not trying to say that it is the right way, Satine. It is simply our way."

     Swallowing, she titled her head at him. "Then, why be a Jedi? Why--why isn't there some other way?"

      "The Force has its own plans, and it guides us to where we are supposed to be. Though not everyone agrees with every part of the Jedi Code, we are often still guided to become Jedi. I once believed that becoming a Jedi was perhaps the most noble and selfless thing I could become. Even though I may not think of everything in the way the I used to, I still believe that the Jedi have good intentions."

     "That doesn't exactly answer my question."

     With a more genuine smile this time, he responded, "I didn't say it was meant to answer your question."

     With a sigh, she rubbed her eyes. "You'd probably make a good politician. I can see you debating people now without ever actually getting anything accomplished."

     "I would take that as a compliment, but I'm afraid I'm not overly fond of politics either."

     Things quieted down yet again, and Satine glanced out towards the space where Obi-Wan had disappeared.

      "Can I ask you another question?" Qui-Gon spoke eventually. "What made you decide to become the Duchess who advocates for peace on a planet like this?"

      Her eyes closed as she thought over her response.

     "Growing up, all I've known has been war, fighting, and the Mandalorian ways. Despite the fact that I was born on Kalevala, Mandalore itself has always been my home. When I was given the chance to be elected Duchess here, I agreed for the sake of all the people of the Mandalore System. I wanted everyone to feel at home, regardless of what has happened in the past. My own ideals aligned closely with those of the New Mandalorian movement, and when I first became Duchess, I actually felt... hopeful. I felt like for once, there might be a way we could all get along and move forward into the future. We could both accept the past and make way for a brighter future.

     "Then, I quickly found out how naive that thinking was. Try as I might, I cannot make everyone believe what I believe, see what I see, or agree with what I agree with. Insurgents started popping up everywhere. At the beginning, they were just trying to make a statement and let their voices be heard. I could understand that, and I wish they would have just stopped there. Yet, they didn't want to go through proper procedures so that we could work together to make necessary changes to accommodate everyone. They believed it was their duty to really fight back against our government and prove that Mandalore always has warriors at its heart. Then, the war began."

     Finally, she reopened her eyes, but they were already starting to water. "I still want to make things right. I made promises to help my people. I just... I don't know how to anymore."

      "For what it's worth, Your Highness, I think you will become a strong leader for your people one day. You are a very capable woman, and though you may not like to hear this, I think you have the heart of a warrior as well. It's just about using that in the right sense."

     She glanced over at him, but nodded her head once at his words. 

     "But how am I supposed to lead everyone alone?"

     His next smile made the skin around the corners of his eyes crinkle in a kind way. "You already have everything you will ever need."

*****

     Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the marketplace trying to catch his breath.

     A young boy had just swept past him moments ago and stolen the pouch of credits right from his belt. 

     Obi-Wan had chased after him immediately, but in the maze of market stalls, he had somehow managed to lose sight of him as well, though he was sure he couldn't have gone very far.

     Qui-Gon would surely have something to say if he returned empty-handed, and he was looking forward to a good meal as much as Satine was.

     Reaching out, he called on the Force. It would guide him.