In The Meadow

Eight.

I cant help but sit here wide awake. It is now morning and i had been tossing and turning all through the night, not one minute of sleep. I was laying on my side with Peetas arm tossed over my waist and his head pressed against my back. Chills ran up my spine as he took a deep breath and the warmth flowed over me. Throughout the night when he'd wake then check to see if i was. He would move my hair softly off of my back and place a small kiss on it before returning back into sleep.

My heart aches at the thought of either he will have to wake up and not have me there to sooth him in the mornings or I wont have him there. Although if everything goes accordingly, he will be the one back home with the kids. Everytime i closed my eyes i saw Oakley and Willow playing in the meadow being chased by their dad as i sat along the side and laughed at them. Eventually, theyd all run at me and the kids would jump on me while Peeta placed a kiss on my lips and laid down, breathing heavily, after running around for hours.

my only thoughts though are, how could we have gotten here?

"Peeta" i whispered as he stirred in his sleep and my head rested on his chest as he ran his fingers along my arm.

"Yes, Katniss" he said in a tired voice. I smiled to myself at the sound and knowing I get to be the one that hears that every morning since we've been married for five years, and yet it never gets old.

"how bad do you want kids?" I asked as silence fell over us and I could tell he was thinking on how to word this.

"I want them but I know you don't. And when it comes down to it Katniss if it meant that i didnt have kids but i still had you every night and morning then im okay with that..." he said and placed a kiss on top of my head as his arms wrapped around me and squeezed in reassurance.

We sat there neither of us speaking and i had thought he had fallen asleep when he spoke up again, "Do you?" he asked and this time it was me figuring out how to word this properly.

"I think you'd be the best father..." i said as he laughed softly to himself, "... and i think im doing an okay job so far at this mothering thing because im pregnant" i said as he shot right up and eyes wide.

"WHAT!" he yelled as he sat me up and pulled me as close to him as he could possibly get. he kissed me over and over again only pulling away to let out a smile and then he kissed my head.

"Are you happy?" he asked and i nodded, "im terrified, but seeing the way you just reacted I know you and I together will do whatever we can to keep them safe" i smiled as he did also.

"When did you find out?" he asked and i told him, "a months ago, I am 10 weeks along. I went to the doctor thinking i had the flu and well here we are. I was worried about telling you till I knew I wasnt going to miscarry" i said as relief sat along his face.

"I love you Katniss Mellark, and i love this baby..." he said placing his hand on the stomach that didnt have a bump yet, "... more than anything in this world"

I sighed softly to myself thinking of that day, how happy we were. and even then it didn't compare to the moment Oakley was placed into my arms. He was crafted beautifully and i couldn't help but smile at the thought of everyone we had lost most of helped.

When i found out I was pregnant with Willow it was Peetas assumptions first.

"Peeta look at him sleeping with you like that its just so precious" i smiled at the sleeping boy laying across Peeta. He had my eyes and everything else that had to do with Peeta. His hair, nose, smile, and his charm. I started crying at the sight in front of me which i never do.

"Katniss what's wrong? You never cry over stuff like this only...when.. you um.." he said as i looked at him stunned because he was right and i knew exactly where he was going with this one.

"are pregnant" i finish as we both smiled at one another. And  just when i think Peeta couldnt possibly shine with anymore happiness, he does.

I struggled more with carrying her, once i found out she was a girl. It was like every fear I felt as a girl growing up and watching Prim crept inside me and never left until she was placed in my hands and everything over flowed with love.

The sun crept its way through the blinds and placed along my face as Peeta sat up and kissed my shoulder, "Morning, baby" he said in his normal happy morning voice. Until he looked around and realized where we were.

i turned on my back as he was propped up in his shoulder looking down on me. his finger traced along the outline of my face.

"I love you" He blurted out, stunning me a little until i laughed. "And I love you" i said as he kissed me once more.

We laid there a little while longer until we found the strength to get out of bed, when i felt the burning climb up my throat.

"You go along im going to jump in the shower" i smiled, holding the feeling back. Peeta nodded and as soon as that door closed i raced to the bathroom to release the puke i was holding back.

I sighed before leaning back and looking into the mirror where Effie was standing with wide eyes.

"Are you okay, my dear?" she asked holding my hair back as another wave hit me. i nodded and stood up to clean myself off.

"Yeah, just the nerves i guess" i shrugged and she still wasn't convinced.

"Katniss, my girl, as your escort I am required to know all things. That way it cant come back that something was hidden as a defense against the capitol." she spoke as i turned to her and looked at her confused like.

"yes i know that" i sighed and grabbed a wash cloth and wiped my forehead of sweat with cold water, "i'm not sick i swear i would tell you if i was-" i couldn't finish before she cut me off.

"Katniss, theres no way right? That you could be pregnant?" she asked as my eyes widened at her response. I thought of everything. an illness i could give to others or an illness as a way out but not this. My youngest child is 12 years old, I never thought of having kids again. I am 37 years old about to make my way into a death sentence.

"I dont... I dont know... no no .. no way" i said to her remembering I indeed have not had a period in 2 months. But life as a mom and a wife, you dont think of those things, "at least i don't think so.." i mumbled quietly.

the only thing she did and she could do was run to a storage area down the hall and handed me the test. I took it and we waited, her arms looped with mine as we watch.

and watched

and watched

until the little "+" sign made its appearance.