Afterglow

05

It was already noon when I woke up. Paano ba naman kasi? Napuyat nanaman ako kaiisip.

I closed my eyes and sighed while remembering everything Alex told me.

I cannot deny my feelings forever. I am already in the middle of falling, and I do not know how to handle this. I am holding on to Alex's promise. Alam kong hindi niya ako pababayaan, and this thought gives me comfort.

I do not want to end up crying.

Kinuha ko ang aking journal at nagsulat ulit. I have no intentions of confessing. Ayokong masama sa listahan ng mga nireject ni Pierre. My poems and proses speak for me. Dito ko na lang ibubuhos lahat.

The Beginning

‪I've always considered the Big Bang as a genius lie formulated by scientists. Because how could something so vast—something so enigmatically beautiful—be created from a point of singularity? How could something so uncertain—something that holds danger and peace—continue to expand almost endlessly? And I've found the answers the moment I stopped lying to myself.‬

The moment I admitted that I'm falling.

Jiela once told me that the best way to recover from anything is to accept, acknowledge, and let go.

Last night, I've accepted my feelings.

Now, I am acknowledging it.

I am relieved. Letting go will just be a piece of cake.

Alex and I were silent while eating our snacks in the cafeteria. Jiela is not with us, because Brent brought her food in the classroom. Hindi kami nauubusan ng pinag-uusapan tuwing magkausap kami ni Alex, kaya naman alam kong nagpipigil lang siya ng sasabihin.

"Tanungin mo na," I said softly.

Matipid siyang ngumiti, "Have you thought about it?"

"Thought about what?" painosenteng tanong ko.

"Pierre and your feelings."

I nodded, "I think you're right. I think I am-"

Ikukuwento ko na sana nang biglang may tumapik sa balikat niya. Napalingon kami pareho. It was Pierre.

"Bro, pa-table naman," he asked Alex.

Kumunot ang noo ni Alex. He looked around. Puno ang cafeteria at walang available na table, kaya naman pumayag din si Alex. Pierre is with Russel. Pierre pulled a chair from another table dahil darating din daw si Hannah maya-maya. Late lang ata nadismiss ang section nila.

As expected, nagsimula silang magkuwentuhan nang dumating si Hannah. Wala akong interes sa pinag-uusapan nila, so I just let my mind float elsewhere.

"Ang tahimik mo ata, Liv. Are you okay?" Hannah asked with concern in her eyes. I managed to smile. Ang bait niya talaga.

"Do you want fries?" pag-aalok sa akin ni Pierre. I did not notice that I was actually facing his food while my mind was wandering. Mukha ko tuloy pinagnanasahan 'yung pagkain niya.

"A-ah y-yeah," I said and grabbed a few fries. Napailing nang bahagya si Alex, kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"Anyway," Alex said while we were placing our plates in the utensils area, "I'll skip lunch later, Liv. May tatapusin pa kami sa lab."