Afterglow

21

Nabaling ang atensiyon namin kay Callix na umiiyak na pala.

Before she could say anything she would regret to Alex, Jiela and Kass pulled her away from him. I wanted to attend to her as well, but I know that I do not have the emotional capacity to do so.

Suddenly, I felt my chest tightening. Maybe, the alcohol is already taking effect. I covered my face with a pillow as tears started falling.

"I hate myself," I repeatedly uttered.

I fucking hate myself.

Someone took the pillow out of my face, and although my vision was blurry, I saw Alex in front of me. Before he could even approach me, I kicked his leg.

"No, don't come near me," I said in between sobs, "Kinalimutan mo na ako, 'di ba?"

My own words broke my heart. Hearing the reality is too painful.

"I'm sorry," he said as he hugged me.

At first, I pushed him, pero dahil hindi siya bumibitaw, I eventually gave in. Instead, I held his arms and cried. "I hate you. Parang bigla ka na lang nawala. I hate you," I whispered.

Alex apologized repeatedly, but I know nothing would change. Sino ba naman ako? Ano ba naman ako?

I'm just the person he labeled bestfriend. I'm not his priority.

And that's okay with me.

That's supposed to be okay with me.

Putangina, bakit ba feeling ko special ako?

Eh hindi naman talaga.

Am I even worthy of being special?

I stood up and grabbed whatever bottle was on the table. Natigilan si Alex. I tried to smile, "Stay. I just... I need some air."

He nodded and downed a shot.

My head was spinning, but I still tried my best to walk straight. As expected, I lost my balance. Good thing, someone was able to hold my waist and assist me up.

Someone with a fucking vanilla scent.

Really? I stopped every urge to look at him, because I knew that I would just fall into his arms and make a pity out of myself.

And I'm sick of that.

I'm tired of hearing him say all those good words just because he pities me.

Because, if he really meant it when he said I was beautiful, why didn't he just fall for me?

"Thanks, Pierre. I'll take it from here," Gene said.

Gene held my waist and guided me out. We went to the pool area. Maraming nagkalat na red cups at bote ng alak, pero buti na lang, wala nang tao. I do not want a little pity party.

"I told you you're drunk," he said as he got the bottle from my hand and chugged it.

"Hey, that's mine," I glared at him, but he simply ignored me.

He handed me the empty bottle. "I told you you're drunk," he repeated.

I chuckled, "Yeah, of course, I'm wrong. Lagi naman akong mali, 'di ba?"