The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

11. Emotions

When I looked into your eyes, all I saw was a man without a real soul, without purpose and without feeling. It was terrifying, how inhumane you were, but you made me comfortable in your darkness.

I'm a part of that darkness whether you are next to me or not.

It will always be like this.

Do you know that?

Do you know what you've done to me?

Do you know what it's been like to wonder where you went? To wake up one day and have the person that made you, leave?

I killed for you.

Tortured for you.

I hurt children.

I lost myself.

I only mattered in the pain of others.

You've left deeper scars in me than any other hell I've been through; I hear their screams in my dreams, their blood on my hands, their bodies in my mind...

and you're always there.

Always, without fail.

But you never cared, did you?

Did you?

Do you?

When you held me, was it all just mind games, Dazai?

•••

Your first reaction to having your hand in Dazai's with his familiar gentle pull is to pull yours away, to run and pretend he wasn't actually right in front of you. However, you do neither of those things, all your focus on the warmth of his bandaged hand holding yours, turning you to stone. Why? Because nothing could have prepared you for running into him so suddenly without a warning.

Your eyes previously stuck on your hand in his travel up to Dazai's face looking smugly at you, a change in the way you remembered him from all those years ago. There's a faint light of humanity in his brown eyes and there is no malice as he studies you.

"Mmm, still not a big talker?" He asks with a pout, tilting of his head, glancing over at Mori while holding back one of his stupider smiles.

"I talk." You immediately answer, feeling as if he was poking fun at you, the itch to please still subconsciously at the back of your mind.

Letting go of your hand, Dazai puts his hands together in pleasant surprise, taking a step closer to you without you moving back. Your insides swirl with so many emotions all at once, it's hard for you to keep a straight face, to keep any sort of composure you could have left. Of course, Dazai knows this, and he is in no rush to get on with his talk with Mori from before.

"Well, Have you missed me? I didn't think I'd run into you of all people again like this! Really, I thought you'd be locked in with Q by now...ah well, you're still so cute..." Dazai chuckles, your jaws clenching.

Have I missed him?!

...what does he mean locked up with Q?

"What?" You ask, trying not to stutter.

"Hm?"

"Why would I be locked up with Q?" You repeat, stepping back, seeing Mori's interestingly amused face as he watches the interaction between you two patiently out of the corner of your eyes.

"Why wouldn't you be? You're dangerous, I know that better than anyone else."

Better than anyone else...