The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

15: Pressure

Why?

That's the only question in your mind after you admit to Chuuya that you had seen Dazai, and that that was the reason you started to act up. You have admitted to someone from your past holding so much power over you, that meeting them again has made you lose it completely.

Why?

You watch as Chuuya processes what you're saying, his face showing clear repulsion at the sound of Dazai's name, the annoyance from earlier far from fading. Your answer was not the answer he had expected, nor was it the one he had wanted to hear.

"You talked to Dazai?!"

His low voice is strained to keep himself from raising his voice too high, his eyes widened as he takes a small step back, arms dropping to his side, a flare of hatred passing by the blue of his eyes. You feel as if you're standing on thin ice, a fear of his reaction and ability to read you leaving cracks of insecurity. Meeting his eyes, your expression speaking for itself, suddenly it all makes sense to him. The yelling, the crying, the inability to sleep and eat. You had been stuck in a box order placed on you long ago, a weight on your shoulders getting heavier just as it started to lighten up after seeing Dazai again. Chuuya saw that, and all he could properly register was the complete dismay he felt at the thought of you talking to Dazai again.

Taking a deep breath, you look away, the tempest that had been a constant factor inside of you making you quiver under the tension. You want to close your eyes and sink into the white noise you hate so much within your mind, you want to drown under the ice and not think anymore. But most of all, you don't want Chuuya to see you as you are.

"What did that shitty Dazai say to you?" He suddenly asks, taking you by the shoulders and forcing you to look at him, his grip tightening as you look down and back up at him, mind scrambled by the sudden closeness reminding you of his temper that looked like it was dangerously close to popping.

"Did you at least get a good punch in?"

Heart accelerating, your breath hitched, the flashbacks of Dazai with you the previous night circle around your thoughts; the way he always leaned in so close, the way his words sounded like silk wrapping up around all your senses, a light shiver runs down your spine at the unpleasant memories. That's when you realize there was no going back as you often did. The moment you opened your mouth and gave Chuuya a piece of the truth, even all the way back to when he caught you in a moment of breakdown after the party, there was no going back. Whether you wanted to or not, here in front of the executive, there was no letting the ice break under you.

I'm not just a doll.

Not in front of him.

"No. I didn't do anything to him."

You finally respond and Chuuya lets you go, stepping back and putting his hand to his temple without disrupting his hat in exasperation, letting out a deep sigh.

"I could have, but I didn't. He kept going on and on about how I've missed him...that I..."

That I still belong to him.

He was making fun of me.

"Why didn't you do anything?! From what you're saying, you let him treat you like crap again and you just let him go. What's your problem with that? What are you, in love with the mackerel or something? Everything is about Dazai with you." Chuuya scoffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest, the shadows casted by his hat hiding all the anger that you had just seen and hiding the hidden intentions behind his questions.

Why?

You aren't sure what Chuuya is trying to get at, but his aggression has gone past passive and his control, the way he talks to you is as if you'd done some great offence to him when in reality it has nothing to do with him. It has nothing to do with the way he makes you feel, because if it did you would have acted on that a long time ago. This has everything to do with the way Dazai practically raised you and the way you feel as if your life took on meaning because of him. Except for right now, when you start to think that the way Chuuya is speaking to you now is the way you came off to him, that it's a much more personal response than merely being mad about meeting Dazai again, which pushes Dazai out of your mind for a moment as fire seems to rush through your veins as you walk up to him and place a hand forcefully on his chest to push him back in response to his questions, brows furrowed, irritation clear on your face.