everything i wanted ; Billie eilish

24

Billies PoV

Lexi is completely right, I don't feel like myself. I've never felt like myself since i got with Issac but it's worse now on tour. He just constantly wants something from me and I don't want him.

When I finish a show he's there straight away looking for attention when i don't want him there. If i'm honest I want Lexi there like last time. As a friend obviously though i'm not into the cheating thing she's just good to be around and makes me happy.

He just doesn't make me happy, he makes me irritated.

I just got through my meet and greet which was pretty good, some people got a bit too hands on with me which i expect but it's kinda uncomfortable. Finneas and I are now in sound check, singing no time to die.

I should've known
I'd leave alone
Just goes to show
That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe
We were a pair but i saw you there
to much to bare
you were my life but life is far away from fair.

I see Lexi taking photos of Finneas behind me, making him laugh.

Was i stupid to love you
Was i wreck less to help
Was it obvious to everybody else.

As I get onto the chorus, she comes to the front of stage and sits on one of the box's, snapping a few photos of me before sitting and watching me sing. Claudia runs on stage dancing weirdly making Lexi laugh and stand up joining her. I smile at them both and shake my head.
As i get to the high note they both start imitating me and pretend to sing it too, being all dramatic. Finneas laughs into the mic behind me and i try my best to keep my composure and finish the song.

The song finishes and I start laughing at them both.

"You two are so distracting" I say chasing them round the stage, Claudia hides behind Finneas and Lexi tries to run past me but i grab onto her stomach and pull her into me from behind and begin tickling her.

"Ok ok ok stop" She says laughing, trying to get my hands off her. I laugh and let go of her, seeing Issac at the side of the stage watching us.

Lexi walks away and sits on the floor at the front of stage, dangling her legs off the edge, looking out at the venue. I start sound checking all the good girls go to hell. Claudia sits next to Lexi and take photos of each other randomly. They both sing along making me laugh and roll my eyes.

"All the good girls go to hell" Isaac sings into my ear, holding me from behind. 

"Yo jack just make my mic louder for the intro of that song" i tell my sound guy giving me an excuse to get Issac off me a second. I'm still pissed at him for hurting lexi. Jack gives me the thumbs up and changes the settings for that song.

I watch as Lexi leaves to go back stage, pulling a gag face at Claudia who does it back. They really don't like him do they.

After sound check I decide to chill for a bit on my dressing room but we all know that Isaac is gonna burst in here any minute. I take my t-shirt off getting too hot revealing a white tank top underneath. I look at myself in the mirror seeing all the hickies all round my chest and collarbones.

As expected, my dressing room door slams open without any knock or anything and incomes Issac with a stupid smirk plastered on his face. He looks down at my boobs and raises his eyebrows, making his way over to me. His mouth attaches to the top of my boob and starts sucking. For fuck sake. and you know what happened next......

I know your all probably like, come on billie, why do you do this to yourself, breakup with the dude but i can't. I'm scared too, i know how bad he overreacts, look what he did to Lexi for fuck sake. I physically don't like him and he makes me feel sick even when we have sex. I have to force myself to act like i'm enjoying it but i'm not.

Disappointedly, i clean myself up and change my t-shirt for the show. I need to go and talk to Finneas. I exit the room not bothering to talk to Isaac. Loudly, i knock on my brothers dressing room door and he lets me in. Lexi is also in here sat on her laptop in the corner.

"Whats up you look disgusted by something?" Finneas asks sitting down. I sit opposite him and sigh, running my hand through my hair.

"Isaac makes me feel sick" I say quietly.

"Thank fuck, i'm glad you think that, i honestly thought you were head over heels for him i was like please billie no" Finneas says and puts his arms in the air with relief. "avoid him if your scared to break up with him" he adds.

"I can't avoid him, he just bursts in my dressing room at all times and wants me" I say putting my head in my hands.

"Well why don't you have Lexi move into your dressing room with you, she will at least have a place to work then, you used to always have her in there" Claudia interrupts, i lift my head up and look towards Lexi who has no idea what's happening.

"What's happening i zoned out ages ago" she asks cluelessly. I give her a small laugh and explain everything to her.

"Wanna move into my dressing rooms from now on" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders and nods.

"Sure why not" she replies and goes back to doing what she's doing.

"Come on then, we need to set up your desk before i perform" I tell her. She nods and closes her laptop screen, prizing herself up off the floor. She follows me out the room to next door.

Issac looks at me confused as i move a table into the right hand corner and bring a chair and some snacks. I take Lexi's laptop and bag and put them down, setting it up nicely for her.
"Me and Lex are sharing the room" I announce and Issac frowns.

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