Darkness and Hope

Chapter 22

It didn't take long until I was sat on the black couch of the cozy suite at the Marriot hotel that face the ocean. It wasn't too luxurious but it was still above the medium rate. James walked up to the fridge to get us some drinks and I ran my hands over my legs to dry them up. It was cold sweat. I was nervous, and almost shaking. I took a deep breath to calm down just before he turned around to look at me with a soft smile on his lips that made melt.

"I am glad you called me." He said sitting by my side. "I was missing you too.."

I didn't know what to tell him. Deep inside I knew that telling him I missed him and that's why I called him was the right thing to do but the words were stuck on the back of my throat and I knew they weren't going to come out. That was still too much for me. I was not used to be that honest or feel that depend on someone.

"I almost didn't." I said instead.

I knew these words were not what he was expecting but I also knew he'd understand the hidden message in between my words. I wasn't wrong, he opened a huge smile and stretched a hand to caress my face with the tip of his fingers. James understood me better than anyone.

"Are you that scared, Ade?" He asked in a soft tone. I closed my eyes feeling his fingers caressing my cheeks. It felt so perfect and so good, it seemed unreal to me.

"I am scared." I admitted whispering and weakening as I felt him really close. I kept my eyes shut as his fingers played with my hair.

"Don't be scared." He said.

I felt his warm breath against my face, that's how close he was, but I didn't move. I didn't even try to walk away or stray. I stayed motionless just feeling the tip of his callous fingers caress me.

"If you only knew..." He whispered but he didn't finished his sentence.

Instead, I felt his lips brushing on mine and I knew that was the moment where I had to make him stop. I opened my eyes and got up suddenly, leaving him sat on the couch looking at me with some hurt on his eyes. That killed me inside.

"Don't look at me that way." I asked him.

He remained still and silent for a while, just watching me with the same look, then he stretched his hand at me. I took it but I wasn't sure at first, anyway I took it firmly in mine.

"I don't know what else to do." He said. "I have been trying gaining your trust. You called me, and I came here and now you ran away just from a simple kiss Ade? As if we haven't kissed before." James told me.

"I know we have. It's not that..." I complained. I didn't want to tell him that I was afraid to be alone in that room with him. That I was afraid of what he had in his mind. "I just..." I said choking because I didn't have the exact and right words to tell him.

"You don't want to have sex?" He said straight up, leaving me a bit off guard. I just shrugged. "You think I brought up here just for that?"

"James..." I tried to talk.

"It's not like I don't want it." He confessed. "I want it since the first time I saw you and yes this includes London and then includes the very minute we met again. Why do you think I tried so hard to be away from you?" I smiled involuntarily hearing his words. We were so far from the initial hatred between us. "I want it Ade, but I want it when you want it too." He said still holding my hand.

"It was so easy in London." I said openly.

"Because it was a different situation wasn't it?" His question made think briefly again.