Darkness and Hope

Chapter 60

When I got up next morning, I roamed around the living room thinking if I should have that serious talk during our honeymoon. Somehow, I knew that we'd end up fighting but then he didn't forbid himself from resisting his temptation. Therefore, I also had the right to spoil things a little bit. It hurt me to know that he waited until I fall asleep to do so and it hurt me even more that he was not keeping up with his word. And even more, how badly that would do to him. More than any of the other two. We had just gotten married... I thought we were going to finally have some peace.

Tired of walking around in circles and hammering on the same thing, I decided to take a shower and get dressed. While I was putting my dress back on the suitcase, James stirred in bed and I saw his eyes opening slowly. He blinked a few times before he was actually able to keep his ocean blue eyes wide open.

"Sorry if I awaked you." I told him. He raised his head a bit to be able to see me.

"No, it's ok. What time is it?" He asked with a sleepy tone, rubbing his eyes.

"11 am." I said. James found my dry tone weird and sat on the bed looking at me.

"What is it?" He asked serious.

I looked at him ready to shoot, but then I counted to ten to prevent me from just venting. I needed to be calm and concise. I could not talk to him heated up. I had to be reasonable and clear enough so we wouldn't clash. Clashing would not do him any good, it would only make it worse in his head. It would pull him even more to the booze. So... I counted... to calm down and be able to speak quietly.

"Nothing." I said putting my eyes back on the suitcase but James knew me well.

He pulled the sheet away from him and came to meet me, crouching by my side. With two fingers on my chin, he turned my face to him and looked into my eyes.

"I know you..." He said. I took his hand away and turned my head away in silence. "Ade? Wanna tell me?" James insisted.

"How could you?" I shot a bit angered.

There, I was not saying things the best way. That was what I was avoiding and I couldn't go that way. That was not the best way to deal with him. James raised his eyebrow not understanding my question.

"I saw the glass on the table last night." I explained making things clear for him.

His eyes fell on the floor in shame. Then, he got up and walked towards the bathroom leaving me there without an explanation. That was him running away. I knew it.

"I am going to take a shower." He said before closing the door.

I stood quietly looking at the window but staring at nothing, incredulous. He wouldn't even face me. He wouldn't talk about it. Nothing. It was very hard to deal with that problem. Since the first time he admitted it and he said he was going to stop, the subject had become some sort of taboo. I could see why, now.

"I can't believe this..." I whispered finally reacting and shaking my head.

I came back to keep my clothes inside the bag but then his indifference or whatever his reaction was, irritated me. I got up and walked to the bathroom opening the door in a rampant. We had to talk about things. We had to face our problems.

"And you just walk away and say nothing?" I asked him leaning against the basin crossing my arms around my chest.

I didn't raise my voice or change my tone to a menacing one. I spoke normally. James was washing his chest and he kept on doing it as if I wasn't there.

"James!" I exclaimed. There, he looked at me.

"We're on our honeymoon!" He said but his voice raised a bit and that was fuel for me, even if I knew I should not get angry and yell back at him.