The Crew's Book of Hermitcraft Season 7 Oneshots

In Which There Are Sandwiches

So I'm removing Murphy's Law from the MAU-Q Timeline, because it just doesn't fit. Take this story instead. Part 1 of probably 5, uploads Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Enjoy :)

Zed's job was, as always, to bring the sandwiches. What sandwiches, I hear you ask? Why, the sandwiches for the monthly Hermit picnic! The guy just had a gift for baking bread, and guessing the kind of sandwich filling each hermit would want, so he was always put on sandwich duty.

He was almost done, having created twenty-three out of twenty-four sandwiches, and was making Cub's sandwich. He was also making internal puns with himself about sand and sandwiches, because who doesn't like occasionally poking a bit of fun at their desert-dwelling friends? He pondered for a moment, before putting a few different fillings in.

CRASH.

"Zed, your jumpy-furnace-ificator got in my way." Tango's voice weakly called out. Zed held in a giggle, and went to get Tango out of the machine.

"You okay?" Zed asked, once Tango was not stuck face-first in the furnace.

"I'll live." Tango replied, rolling his shoulder uncomfortably as his wing made a quiet popping noise. "Anyways, I came to pick up the sandwiches."

"Oh! Yeah! Lemme just put them in a shulker box!" Zed smiled, and half-bounced off to where he was preparing the sandwiches.

Time Skip, brought to you by me reading too much TVTropes and STILL not being able to find the trope that matches this kind of Time Skip perfectly (before you ask, it's NOT Time Skip. That's something different.)

"Oh give it a break, Tango! It's not like you're actually an all-powerful immortal magic entity or anything!" BDubs joked, punching Tango lightly in the arm. The two of them, plus Keralis, X, Impulse and Zed, were sharing a picnic blanket. At this remark from BDubs, Keralis was suddenly very interested in the apple he was eating, while Zed, Impulse and Tango shared a knowing look. 

To add that extra bit of flair, Tango wiggled his hand behind BDubs' back, causing a magical nimbus to pop up around it. Nobody noticed the flicker of alarm pass over his face. Zed and Impulse could barely hide their giggles, in turn causing BDubs to glare at Tango. Tango just shrugged innocently, pretending to have no clue what Zed and Impulse found so funny.

"Yes, well." Tango said, continuing the conversation as if nothing had happened, "I'm still most certainly a master of misdirection."

"Prove it." X retorted.

"WHOA! That sheep just spontaneously turned into a Jeb!" Tango yelled. Zed turned around, and began desperately looking for said rainbow sheep. Tango quickly swapped their drinks, neither of which had been touched, and downed the one that was now in his place. Zed turned back around, took one look at Tango's glass, and rolled his eyes.

"I know you downed your drink, Tango. It didn't vanish into nothing." Zed pointed out flatly.

"That's what you think." Tango smiled, eyes twinkling.

The picnic continued without further incident, besides an accident involving one of Scar's respawn crystals, Grian's elytra, a stack of sand and a cow named after Etho, but that doesn't really count. Afterwards, everyone packed up together, and agreed to do it again next month, maybe at Toon Towers.

"Tango!" X called, as the aforementioned Hermit was about to leave.

"Yeah?" Tango replied, walking over. X couldn't help but notice a slight stagger in his step.

"You alright? Towards the end of the picnic, you went, well, uncharacteristically quiet, and you're acting kinda peaky."

"Mm, yeah." Tango shrugged. " 'm okay, I guess. Just feeling a bit off, probably from a crash I had earlier. I'll live."

"Alright. You need anything, or...?"

"I'll live."

Time Skip once more, to (*insert theme tune*) Toon Towers! Yaaaay!

Tango landed in the main tower of his base, stumbling as he landed. He braced himself against the wall of chests, and slid down to the floor. He really wasn't feeling good at all. He stared at a point on the floor, dazed. His breathing was shaky, gasping, as if he couldn't get any air in. Tears of pain welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them away rapidly.

Slowly, he recovered from the episode, and shakily pulled himself up to his feet, still leaning on the wall. He cautiously took a step forward, and collapsed, finding his legs too weak to support him. He gave up, and lay there on the floor. A haze of sleep drifted over him, something he hadn't experienced in a while, and he found his vision tunneling.

"Damn poison." He muttered, and then knew no more.

Incidentally, the working title was "I Cast Detect Poison", but that felt a little on-the-nose.

I've been Entropy, peace out from the present!