Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

True Destiny

Time was slowly running out.

Less than week was left and throughout the days, Kylo Ren was always gone. Attending business I would never quite understand nor have the opportunity to even know of, Kylo was always fighting battles in another man's war—the very gruesome man who was the one who put a timer on Five's life.

I was thankful for what little time Kylo and I would spend together, and I was thankful for the comfort he somehow brought during them. At times, he would be gone entirely for a day or two, telling me he was visiting dignitaries, who I always knew was Supreme Leader Snoke.

And when he was back, he would be either in his bedroom for hours, or would stay in the command centre throughout the night. More often, I was finding myself falling asleep in the lounge alone, waiting for his return even when he was just in the next room.

He wasn't ignoring me or keeping his distance, he had made that clear when he would occasionally join me—waking me with soft touches and silent ovations to which I would always welcome him eagerly into my arms and to my lips without fail.

I treasured those times, for it was in those moments I was reminded why I believe so dearly in the man inside of the machine that was named Kylo Ren—Ben.

We hadn't spoken about his confession since the moment he had, and I knew that was how it would forever be. He wasn't Ben, he had made that clear; and even I knew that he had done too many horrible things to turn back to the person he once was.

He wasn't Ben to the First Order and if that is what he truely wants: then, he isn't Ben to me—but he will also never be Kylo Ren, the monster, the Jedi killer...

No, to me, he will always be just Kylo.

Always.

The future was always something I had often worried about during those long nights on the couch. I'm not sure if it was because of my young mind and lack of wisdom, but I had never given thought to all the time that my future had enclosed in my life.
Though, it will only resemble a small speck on a galaxies timeline.

There is so much unknown for the years to come, and I wonder if Kylo will always be a part of them? Though, my doubt comes in heavy, I still hope he will.

There is always a smothering account of worries that flood my veins and pulsate to the fore-front of my mind during that precious fleeting moment where I am about to sleep, shocking me back awake and winding my adrenaline. I have so much time ahead of me, though Five may not. So much of his time I have let slide through my fingers like fools gold.

I had less than a week left to hurry what should be a moment etched into my purposeful timeline, with consensual love and passion.

Every part of me wanted to twine my soul with Kylo in such an intimate moment, and the passion was there... but I didn't love him, I wouldn't know what love was even if I did.

Growing up, Commander September had never taught us about love and we had never received it from anyone either.

Sex was never about love, it was about reproduction and purpose. Commander September had always said, 'Love is incredibly powerful purely because it is unattainable, but destiny is always true and unstoppable.'

And I guess she is somewhat right, for even if I could... I would never be able to love Kylo Ren because that love is unattainable, the First Order would never allow it—and neither would the man, himself.

I am only a womb and love would never be an organ I could possibly give. The First Order would rather cut out my heart and let it die on the floor before ever risking an empty womb.