Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Fire And Gasoline

My bedroom is in scatters and I am stationary in the midst of a colossal mess.

I had been given the order to pack up what little possessions I have and move them to Five's quarters, but once I had folded up my uniform and laid them on the bed with only the sagging of my shoulders – I stared at the bleak beige until it swirled into a bleeding grey that cried until I did so too, violently, corrupt and screeching as I tore the whole room to shreds.

My sadness is suffering in the silence and empty space. Driving me crazy and punching itself into my guts to only slither up to my heart, the pain manifests itself through my swirling emotions like the flickering of my light that I had thrown my spare boots against.

When there is nothing left to break, my heart shatters even more into the shambles that I sink around. There is a silence to my once, burning soul, unraveling and dying in the chill of my endless tears.

I can feel the chill in my blood, the coldness bringing the synapses of my brain to a stand-still – Unable to process anything as I sit somehow, numbly in the overbearing heartache.

All I can see is the way Kylo's face fell when Snoke exposed the truth – All I can feel is the way his chest caved in upon hearing so.

He isn't here, and I won't be surprised if he doesn't even come home before I am gone – But is this still even our home? I don't live here anymore and the comfort that his embrace could bring, will no longer be my subdue.

It is another pain to my endless sorrows, yet one I can't endure like I had with the rest.

No longer is there anything to subside my howling soul that creeps in the shadows of The First Order, begging for daylight.

This pain I have felt my whole life, should have scarred as frigid and tight as the one on my abdomen has, but it never will. I'm stuck with an invisible wound that will always bleed crimson and stain my skin with loss, never running dry because my heart was so strong, so intertwined with Kylo's own that it can't bare to ever stop loving him.

I sit in the mess that has become my chaos, and the only decorations that are now in the bedroom are my own nail marks on the walls, which I cannot scale to escape the fear.

My paper house has caught fire and I am only a paper doll who tries to not become alight in the burning embers. My thin heart is running through time and space, looking, and will always keep looking in the blackness for a sacred spark, which had only died in the chest of Kylo Ren – I had tried to keep Ben Solo alive in the change of Kylo Ren, but in the midst of my attempts, my deceiving and mislead in the path to loving him, only came to become known as a lie to him, but it wasn't for me, and I know it will be difficult for him to trust my truths now.

I loved him truly, despite his many, seemingly unforgivable faults and refusal to acknowledge his own love that brewed.

Fear is an incredibly powerful influence, it is also a disguised demon and I followed the whispers that same demon spoke into my ear, knowing if I opened the door to Kylo's heart, it would only result in pain, and yet I still unlocked it.

My little strengths was a torment to The First Order, and my power only came with the motivation of Kylo's love, so Snoke tore him away from me before it got any stronger. For in the struggle to be strong, in the compulsion to be what I once admired, there was even a feeling of isolation when I hear Kylo, finally walk into the quarters.

Limply picking myself up from my mess, I open the hatch to meet him with a hopeful heart that dies only when I greet the angry expression he glanced with over his shoulder as he opened the hatch to his own bedroom.