Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Tainted Lies

My hand hovers over the scanner, but never touches its surface. Just like my trembling fingers, all my mind does is convulse beneath all the self-forged reasons to not to go in.

Already, my eyes are welding beneath saddened waters like the hurricane building in my aching chest; Going inside will only make everything more real, the pain, the grief, the loss – For the person inside these quarters is the only being on The Supremacy, who can truely understand how I feel, for she's enduring the same heartbreaking battle.

I'm guilty to the core, and I hate to believe that Four's death is my fault – His blood is on my shaking hands, the crimson beneath my nails; I feel the panic grow within that hurricane and I want it to fade away, but I know the only way it will withdraw its force, is if I chose to flinch away my hand and return back to my own quarters, but then again, this has to be done – I will have to go through this panic and guilt everyday until I press my hand on the scanner and enter the room behind it.

I breathe in slow and relax my shoulders in the calm before the storm, better now than never; I press my palm upon the scanner... But before the device beams a glowing light upon every crevasse in my skin, the hatch opens.

There she stands, taking my breath and worries away the moment her blonde hair peeks out from underneath the headscarf and her sad, green eyes meet mine.

"Three." I whisper.

She crumbles like soft sand to a water's thrashing embrace, and buries herself into my arms.

"I've missed you." She croaks, trying to ignore the real reason as to why I came.

"I have missed you too."

She cries into my heart and I cry into her coarse headscarf. Her sadness was strong winds and she was a weathered flag between its chaos, I could feel it as her soul ached to burn into mine for she needed the comfort of a guardian that she had never known.

I was the closest thing to a family she had, and she was mine – I was her older sister, though she already had one, and suddenly, all my pain no longer mattered to my battered soul, only hers. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay – But I didn't know if it really would be.

I'm new in this grief as is she, but I soothe her cries down and lead her to the couch in the middle of the large home, sitting her down and holding her head to my chest as I try to force my own tears away as much as I tried to flee her own.

Her voice comes broken and shattered as she breathes into my uniform, holding my wrists with her own trembling hands,

"I-I loved him."

When she cried there was a rawness to it as the admission left her cracked lips, like the pain was still an open wound in the heart that bled for another. She clasps her nails into the skin of my wrists for support as she sobs shortly after, but I never flinched with the pain for I was falling into another agony.

"I know." I whispered.

She had never admitted her feelings for Four, but everyone from Project Destiny could see the adoration in those eyes as they beaconed each-others way. They were lovers from the same grounds and on the same path, though they were never allowed to walk side by side – My mind flickers back to Kylo for a moment and I wonder how similar he and I are to Three and Four... Would our conclusion end as badly as theirs had?

I pray it won't.

Her sobs stifled for a short moment, just as I begin to pat the material of her headscarf with gentle brushes as I lean my chin upon her head. Then overcome by the wave of emotions, she inhales a sharp breath and turns her face to look up at me, withdrawing her hands and sitting against the back of the couch limply.