Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Disconnected

"What's with all the books?" I chortle.

Four flusters beneath the many books and pages within his hands. A heavy stack weighing, what must feel like a thousand pounds of words that he could no longer memorise. The blond boy rolls his eyes, huffing a tired breath as we walk side by side, down the empty halls.

"Well... while Five's out there on the Supremacy after being promoted to an apprentice... here I am, stuck on Finalizer. With my training being demoted to book reading instead."

I furrow my brows, turning my head to my only friend upon this whole entire ship—Four and I had been getting closer than we had ever been, even over our whole childhood lives; after that night in the Dining Hall two weeks ago—after I had confessed my deepest secrets. At first he was mad. Confused. Perplexed; but deep down he understood, for he has and still does, feel the same way I do about another, Three.

I knew he still didn't quite understand how I could love a 'monster,' but like a hidden agreement, he never pushed the subject any further. Four, I know, believes what I feel is wasted, that I should be giving my heart to the person who could treasure it the most—Five—instead.

Five's love was like the glow of a comet, one that would only soar through the sky, magnificent in all it's glory and only seen once in a lifetime. Though, I turned my back to it instead, for there was something much brighter before me, enlightening my heart in his burning hands instead.

Just like Four's love for Three, I had to keep my love for Kylo unspoken, so I had asked Four to keep my secrets locked away with his own also, and he promised he would—the key to the treasure of his deepest, unrevealed desires opening to greet my own, only to lock it back up once more.

My truth is treason in an Empire built from lies; Four and I both know that if he ever exposed my love for Kylo Ren, the First Order would use it to break me like a sledgehammer to already chipped glass. And I was grateful he had done so, and would continue forever.

"The First Order aren't training you any further?" I ask, hands cradling each other beneath my swollen belly on our walk.

Four scrunches his mouth to the side, rolling his eyes again as he does so. "Not physically. They said whilst Five is gone, I should train my mind rather than my physique," He uses his fingers as quotation marks.

"That doesn't make any sense," I chuckle, shaking my head. Four was clearly frustrated. A boy who had always favoured brawn over brains, it was quite unfair to demote him so easily in favour for Five—but the First Order had never played fair.

"I know! Five's out there somewhere, beating the shit out of someone and meanwhile, I have to fight the urge to not smash my head on these pages," He grazes his fingers over the lettering of the first book which was stacked upon two others in his hands.

The books were all old and heavy, the leather seeming coarse and delicate as he ran his fingers over the faded, black bindings and red lettering carefully. "It just doesn't seem right to be wasting so much potential..." He mumbles.

I huff a breath, biting my lip to suppress a cheeky smile, "Don't think of yourself as the one above all now, Four. That's not very like you."

My tone is sarcastic and my eyes gleam with playfulness. Four's neck snaps to me, his jaw dropping in fake offence. If it weren't for my pregnant frame, I would presume him to nudge me over by his shoulder, like he would when we were ten, play fighting in the wide, open fields behind our home.

"Now, that's not very nice," He mocks, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head as a smirk began to tug upon his rosy lips. "I wasn't just talking about me, you know? I think the First Order is wasting so much power by not showing it to you too... what they made out of your purpose, it... it isn't right." He says, the smirk fading as soon as it formed when his eyes drop to my womb.