Thank you all for the congratulations and thank you for all the compliments and wishes that I keep it up! I want you all to know that I'm just as strong as you, even if you're an hour or a month clean. We're all strong and just because I've lasted a year doesn't make me better than you. I love you guys and I want you all to know that if you ever just want someone to talk to about your self harm or just talk to in general, my kik is weebandswee and I will always respond.
xoCrashFire ily all
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Frank;
It was a legitimate question, I had never really seen Gerard with an almost entirely bruise-covered face. Nevertheless, the room erupts into laughter, chuckling and patting my arm or hand. Gerard, cracks a small smile, wincing in pain afterwards.
"Um, Greyson kind of beat the hell out of me. It wasn't very fun," he explains, chuckling. Even though I probably shouldn't have, a small laugh crawls its way up my throat and escapes through my lips, making me feel awful. I know he laughed at it, but I feel kind of cruel for laughing, I feel like the bully for laughing. I don't want to feel like that, so I allow my face to flush with anger at myself and lay my head down, facing away from everyone.
The silence creeps around the room, making me feel uncomfortable and awkward; not that I didn't already feel that way. I mean, everyone is in this small, cramped room looking at their friend/relative/ex boyfriend who tried to commit suicide, and failed. Again. I can't even count how many times I've failed. Maybe I can ask Mikey and add those to the ones I remember from Maine.
I look around and speak, probably making everyone disappointed. "Um, could Gerard and I just, like, talk for a minute? Alone."
I can see disappointment gradually making its way around the room, but also understanding. My family, which is really just my mom, and friends make their way to the door, nodding or saying "yeah".
After we're alone, Gerard limps up to one of the chairs settled by my bed and sits in it, opening his mouth before I can even think of something to say. "I want you to know right now, Frank Iero, that you were not a burden. I love you, okay? And my answer was and still is a yes... I mean, if you'd still like to be my boyfriend," he says quickly, his lower lip quivering slightly. He grabs my hand with the two of his and just holds it, looking right into my eyes.
"I still want to, and I feel like such a douche right now because we've both been just hounding each other to go back out, and then rejecting each other, and now that we both want to go at it again, I feel like it's not the best time. I just tried to kill myself and I need to catch up with school and... I, really, I want to date you, Gerard. Believe me, I do." I roll onto my side to face him, making sure I don't mess up my IV, or anything else.
"It's okay, Frank, I'll always be here for you, I'm not going to just turn back into the horrible person I was because you want to recover and get back on track before you think about dating me. I love you, okay?" He says, squeezing my hand. The whole speech he just made makes butterflies erupt in my stomach and I smile gratefully. He isn't going to leave my side.
"I love you, too, Gerard," I say with as much confidence as I can muster up. I mean it, too. He's great when you look past all the brutal beatings he's given me, all the mean things he's said, and all the years he's called me a faggot and made fun of me when he's in the same boat.
He smiles, showing all his teeth, trying not to wince. "Can I kiss you?"
I smile, laughing a little. Even if we aren't dating, I can kiss him right? Well, if that's wrong, then I'm going to hell anyways. So, I nod my head and await something I've wanted for longer than I'm willing to admit.
