Where Do We Stand?( An Outsiders Fanfiction )

The Voice Within

Disclaimer: I do not own S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders” or Christina Aguilera’s  “The Voice Within”. All rights go to them. Enjoy! Xx – K

Chapter 13: The Voice Within 

Young girl, it's alright

Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly 

            After he left, Bridget yelled at me about leaving school, but she was happy I was home. I wasn’t. The second Dallas left, I wanted to go with him.

After Bridget’s yelling, she told me she wasn’t with Darry. She’s apparently dating some guy named Mark she met at a bar.

            Now it was about three and Travis came home. I could hear him telling Bridget about his adventure at the Dingo. Then I could hear Bridget talking about how I came home. I decided to walk out and actually talk to Travis.

“Oh, so I guess you did screw him enough.”

“Travis, can we talk?”

He scoffed, then realized I was being serious. “Sure.”

I followed him out to the porch. He sat on the bench and pulled out a cigarette. He was the only person in my family who knew I smoked, so he handed me one. I was the only one who knew he smoked, so I knew if he ever let my secret out, I could let his out.

 “What do you wanna talk about?”

“I know we aren’t getting along…but I would like us to.”

“We won’t be as long as you’re fucking that kid.”

“Look, is it just Dally and me you hate? Or me?”

“It’s you. Dally’s just adds to the hate.”

That hit me hard. “Why though?”

“You’re the reason mom isn’t here!”

“Don’t you dare blame her death on me! She killed herself all on her own!”

“Did you not read the same letter as me!?”

“This is why I can’t talk to you! It always goes back to mom! She wasn’t that great so stop making her out to be this wonderful woman.”

“Well she was better than you!”

Why did people always have to say they’re better than someone?

“Half of what she said in that letter should never have been said. Especially to her daughter, and you know it.”

“Maybe I do, but all of its true!” I thought of the letter and what he was agreeing with and fought back tears.

“You’re agreeing with what she said?!”

“Yes,” he said flicking his cigarette at me. “This was a nice chat.”

            He walked inside as I finished my cigarette. I hadn’t read the letter for a while. After mom died, I read it every night for weeks. It’s now been months since I read it. I threw my cigarette into the dirt and headed back inside. I ignored Bridget and Travis and headed to my room. I grabbed the letter and stuffed it into my pocket. I crawled out the window and headed to the same place I did after Travis shoved me.

I sat down and unfolded the letter.

To Scar,

             Well, are you happy I’m gone? I hope you know you drove me to this. I could barely stand the thought of you hating me, so I had to leave. After Bridget not liking me in her teenage years, I imagined you would be worse. Travis never seemed to hate me, so why did you? Maybe I did drink too much and wasn’t the greatest mother, but there are way worst mothers than me. Some of them compared to me would have made me look like St. Mary. I hope you’ll miss me at least a little. Or at least shed a tear once. You always thought how bad of a mother I was, but did you ever think how bad of a daughter you were? You were a horrible daughter. You always cried and screamed even if we gave you what you wanted. You always wanted more, but we couldn’t give it to you. We weren’t made of money, but you thought we were. You made your dad feel terrible if you made a fit for something we couldn’t give you. But that wasn’t what made you a bad daughter. The fact that you hated your mother was what made you a bad daughter. You hated the woman who was responsible for you. Well, I never wanted you. I wanted Bridget. I wanted Travis. But I never wanted you. NO ONE will ever want you. I almost had an abortion but your dad made me decide against it. After you were born, I often wished he didn’t. Why would I want a selfish brat? Why would I want someone who hated me? Why would I want someone who could never have enough? Why would I want an ugly attitude and person? Why would I want someone that no one else ever wanted? Why would I want you?

I hope you’re happy.

            I sat and cried. I thought of ripping up the letter into a million pieces, but I just couldn’t.  I never cried about the fact that she died, but about the cruel words she said. Deep down, I knew I was happy, but she shouldn’t have said all of that.

            I tried to calm myself when I heard someone coming. I should’ve known it was Johnny because he was the one who came last time. I guess this was his escape spot, too.

“Fancy meetin’ you here, Scarlett.”

“Déjà vu, huh?”

“Travis hurt you again?”

“No… You remember how I said my mom left me a letter?”

“Yeah…?”

“Wanna read it?” I asked handing him the letter. I never shared the letter with anyone, but I had a feeling that if I shared it with Johnny, it would be okay.

“Are you sure?” He asked taking it from my shaking hand.

I mumbled a yes and he read it. When he was done, he just wrapped his arm around me.

“Don’t you believe all that. Your dad wants you. Your sister probably does, too.”

“Probably not.”

“Well, you’ve got a lot of friends who want you. You got Two-Bit, Steve, Pony, Soda, Darry, and me. And let’s not forget Dally. He definitely wants you,” he said while smiling.

“What’s so funny about Dally?”

“The other day, Soda, Dally and I were all at the DX while you was at school.”

“And?”

“And he went on and on about you. He really does like you. Don’t think for a second he doesn’t. I’ve never seen him like a girl this much. Y’all seem awful good together.”

 “He told me he loved me.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“Don’t tell anyone. I doubt he would want anyone knowin’ he loves somethin’. Especially just some girl.”

“Probably.”

“So what are you doin’ here?”

He went on to talk about him and his mom having another fight.

Young girl, don't hide

You'll never change if you just run away

Young girl, just hold tight

Soon you're gonna see your brighter day