AM I YOURS? // MATTY HEALY.

The only thing he's really losing here is... me

*All scenes in italics are flashbacks.*

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July 2017

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everything worked out exactly how it was planned out in your head? If only that's how the real world worked. Unfortunately Alyssa Stevens found out the hard way, be careful what you wish for because it might just come true, just not exactly how you thought it would.

How beautiful and poetic the last 2 years of her life were meant to be, nearing the age of 27 she thought things would be easier. The plan wasn't always straight forward for her, merely chopping and changing with her unstable mental health and list of traumatic experiences. Surely though it would begin to fall into place?

You would think.

Alyssa

My alarm screamed at me through the darkened room, startling me. It was 4am and as much as I knew I had to wake up, the effort it was going to take wouldn't make it easy for me. I dragged myself out of bed and ignored my phone, after silencing the alarm. I didn't want to see any messages or texts of encouragement. They wouldn't ease the anxiety building up within me.

I did the only thing that would help me through this, which in reality didn't ever really help but what else did I have at this point?

"Come on Alyssa, it won't be that bad." I looked at George unsure of what to say next, I didn't want to go out with them for New Year's Eve this year. Not after last year. And certainly not after Matty's continuous spiral downwards.

"It's just not a good idea." I sighed, running a hand through my messy hair. It wasn't a cute messy, more like 'I haven't slept in 3 days' messy.

"I know you're nervous after what happened last year but this will be different, we can toast away the weirdest year of our lives and make sure you start 2017 off with a bang." He tried to convince me, I looked at him through my tired eyes. I didn't want to risk it this year, I didn't want to risk anyone almost dying.

"Do you really think this is a good idea? You've seen the states he's been getting himself into recently, it's not gonna end well." I said softly, hoping Matty would still be in too much of a deep sleep to somehow overhear the conversation.

"I know but we can watch him closely, if things seem off then you can make him leave." George pleaded.

"You think I have the power to do that?" I was shocked at how naive George was suddenly being, I don't blame him though. I think he lives in a constant hope that somehow I'll get through to Matty and stop this downwards spiral.

"I think if you keep trying, maybe it will work." George said softly. His eyes looked tired, almost like he was losing his own will to live with the growing worries about his best friend. "He won't talk to me Alyssa, I don't know what to do anymore."

"If I knew what to do then you know I would tell you but I don't, I'm on this sinking ship too." I returned. "Going out tonight will only give him an excuse to go too far."

"But you do realise if you don't come, he's still gonna come out with us and then there won't be anyone to stop him." He frowned.

"George, I'm not his fucking mother." I shot back, suddenly feeling enraged. "I'm his girlfriend, if you can even call me that anymore."

"Don't say that." He shook his head.

"No, I will because it's the reality of it all. Do you know the last time we actually spent any time together that didn't end up with him drunk or high?" I narrowed my eyes at him, he shook his head in return. "November 2nd." I mumbled.