AM I YOURS? // MATTY HEALY.

Do you think I'm going to be a good dad?

Matty

I stared back at Alyssa in complete shock. I didn't know what to say. How was this even possible? And why did it have to happen now? Surely this is a joke. "You're joking right?" I asked, eyes wide but hoping for the punchline soon.

"Why would I joke about that?" She squinted her eyes at me angrily. "It's not really funny for me to make a joke about something like that."

"How?" I asked. "How did this even happen?"

"Well you know we had sex and your swimmers clearly worked their bus..." She started but I cut her off.

"I know how babies are made Alyssa." I snapped.

"I was just trying to lighten the mood." She mumbled and looked down at Allen who was still sitting with his head in her lap.

"Oh my God." I said putting my head in my hands. "I can't believe this."

"Me too." Alyssa said softly.

"What the fuck?" I groaned. "What the fuck are we supposed to do?" I looked up at her. "Why did this have to happen now? A year and a half ago this would've been the best news in the world to me but things are different now. This is literally the worst timing for both of us and I don't know what to say or do."

"I understand that." She nodded.

"How am I supposed to explain this to Holly?" I asked. "How am I supposed to deal with this? Are you going to keep it?"

"I think so." She nodded. I felt relieved to hear that because even though this is literally the worst timing for a baby to come along and in the worst way possible for us, I don't want her to miss out of the chance to have a child. I'm just slightly terrified right now.

"Okay." I said trying seem a little more calm. "Okay, you're having a baby. Okay." I nodded. "So what's the plan then?"

"I don't know, I haven't really thought that far ahead." She shrugged.

"Well you're gonna have to." I told her. "This isn't really something you can just wing, this is a baby, a human life."

"I know that Matty but until I told you, I kinda had to keep it on the down low so you didn't find out through someone else." She said to me. "I get that this is probably a shock to you, it is to me as well since I honestly didn't think this going to happen for me after what my doctor told me."

"Fuck." I groaned. "I just don't know what to do right now. I'm such a fucking idiot. I should never have come to yours on my birthday." She looked hurt when I said that but it's true. A baby is going to come into this world out of a messy mistake that I made.

"Well if that's how you feel then fair enough." She shrugged. "But by the end of the year there's going to be baby in my life, a miracle really if you ask me. You need to decide if you want to be a part of that." She stood up and gave Allen one last kiss on the head. "When you've worked out where you stand with all this, let me know."

I watched her walk out of the room and heard the front door click shut. The air felt tense and uneasy for me, like I was suffocating. I was just at a loss for words. I was going to be a dad. After all this time thinking that it may never happen, here I am. I got what I wanted in the end but at what cost? I'm going to lose Holly out of this. This is going to hurt her.

Allen walked over to me and sat in front of my legs staring at me. "What?" I asked him, he just tilted his head at me, looking at me with his dopey eyes. "I know I'm a fucking idiot, you don't have to look at me like that." I mumbled. "I've really screwed up a lot of things in my life but that women is the worst thing I've screwed up, how am I supposed to fix it in time for a baby to come?" Allen continued to stare at me. "Yeah, you're right mate. I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and man up. I'm going to be a dad. You're going to be a big brother."