AM I YOURS? // MATTY HEALY.

I can't stay in love with someone that I've hurt this much.

Alyssa

"Sorry, I don't mean to be a bother but you dropped this." A voice spoke as they tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and a man stood there with purse in his hands. I widened my eyes at how careless I had been.

"Shit, I'm such an idiot." I chuckled. "Thank you." I smiled at him. His white teeth appeared as a smile spread across his face. He was an attractive guy for sure, dark brown hair and nice blue eyes. He wasn't the type of guy I would usually go for but something about his presence was interesting to me.

"It's no problem, some people would see it and run." He joked.

"They wouldn't get very far with it, I don't bring much money out with me." I shrugged.

"Well that's a smart move on your part." He said. "So your accent says you're not from here."

"Nah, I'm from Brighton in the UK." His eyes widened.

"The UK... I've never been." He smiled. "What brings you to Amsterdam?"

"I decided that I needed to go and travel for a bit, so here I am." I said simply.

"Ah, trying to find yourself or some other philosophical bullshit." He rolled his eyes playfully.

"I guess you could say that." I chuckled. "Just wanted to see what is out there in the world before it's too late I suppose."

"It's never too late to get out there and see things so don't ever restrict yourself." He smiled. "Anyway, if you would like to go out on a date with me this evening, I could definitely show you a few things this place has to offer?" A date? I couldn't possibly go out on a date with this guy. Could I?

"I uh..." I stumbled a little.

"Okay let's not call it a date then, let's say I show you my city." He offered.

"Not a date?" I confirmed.

"Yes, not a date." He smiled further.

"Okay, I could swing that." I nodded.

-

"You're going on a date?" Liam asked me from across the hotel room, an eyebrow raised at my announcement.

"Well it's not a date Liam, just a potential friend." I said quickly.

"Are you ready for that kinda thing?" He questioned me curiously.

"It's been 2 months Liam, I haven't spoken to any of them in that time." I mumbled. "I can't go on a trip like this and not experience different things."

"I get that but you had a pretty rough week not too long ago dealing with missing him and stuff." He said quietly.

"And it sucked yeah but I have to find a way to move forward, I can't stay in love with someone that I've hurt this much." I shrugged.

"If going on a date with some Dutch guy helps you feel better then go right ahead I guess." He gave up. "I just think you need to decide what you're really doing out here soon because things aren't going to be this simple for long."

"Things aren't simple at all Liam." I sighed. "I'm just trying see a way forward in my life, as much as I love Matty and would love for that to work out, it's just very unlikely at this point."

"You haven't even tried." He mumbled.

"Maybe that's for the best." I said with a weak smile.

"Okay, go on your 'not date' then." He said using air quotes with his hands.