Chasing Sin

33

It's been a few days since the whole Sin-working-at-the-casino-and-screwing-over-my-brother debacle.

I'm still pissed at him, but after a few days of basically doing whatever I could to ignore him, I've started to realize I might be being a little petty.

"You can't keep giving him the cold shoulder whenever you're around us," Taylor tells me when we're on the phone Thursday night. "It's going to make this lake trip wayyy more awkward if you can't even speak to him."

"Are you kidding? There's eight of us. That's plenty of people to get through before I have to talk to him," I half-joke.

"He's been trying to explain, though, hasn't he?"

Has he ever. Aside from the numerous phone calls and texts trying to get me to talk to him, Sin has also been doing what he can at school. He brought me coffee one morning to try and buy my forgiveness—which, needless to say, didn't work. The next day he tried with my favorite donuts from Jeanie's (chocolate glazed with cream filling), which almost worked.

Sin also came to my house, knocking on my door and trying to apologize, but I wouldn't let him in. Then, the next day, he came to my window just like he did when Taylor was staying with me. I pretended to be asleep, or not there, but I doubt he really bought it. Eventually, he went away.

I felt pretty horrible about that, but I just kept replaying the ashamed look he had on his face when I found him at that casino, and the devastated mess my brother had been when I found out what happened to him.

"Yeah, a couple times," I tell Taylor.

"I'm just saying. Kace talked to him and said it's not like you think. I just think you should hear him out before you decide you're done with him for good," she reasons.

What Mrs. Hall said to me rings through my head, about forgiveness and letting go of my anger. My anger is definitely dissolving, and I've got a much clearer head now that it's been a few days.

I'm starting to really miss being around Sin, and it makes me want to hear his explanation a little more. I also wonder if I'm just being weak and giving in to him, or if I just really don't want to lose him that much.

I sit on my bed, going over some notes for our Lit test tomorrow, with some pretty pajamas on and my hair pinned up in curls. I have a cup of hot cocoa beside me, hoping to put myself in the best mood possible to raise my studying abilities.

It was working before Taylor brought up Sin.

"I don't know," I say, kind of considering it. I mean, she has a point. This trip is supposed to be great, and I don't want to make it awkward for everyone else just because Sin and I have an issue. "I still can't say I forgive him or even understand what he did, but I do think I've been kind of petty with the whole cold-shoulder thing."

I've been acting like a bratty 5 year old, actually.

When I bring breakfast in the mornings, I only have enough for the seven of us. When I tell a story to the group at lunch, I laugh at everyone's interjections but his. I've been spending both sixth and seventh hours in the library, rather than with Sin, and I've even been shamelessly flirting back with Peyton when he goes on a tear of pick-up-lines.

I know it's stupid and immature, but I can't say I don't get some kind of fucked up satisfaction from it all.

"We love a self-aware queen," Taylor reminds me. I roll my eyes and sit up to get some more hot cocoa.

"I got to go and study some more for this Lit exam tomorrow. See you in the morning?" I ask.

"Yeah, and don't forget to bring your suitcase so we can leave straight after school!" she reminds me, and I smile, promising to remember it and hanging up.