MY KIND OF CRAZY ✔️

CHAPTER 13: BOOK OF SECRETS

IAN
I peeked over at Miles to make sure he was still asleep. He was sprawled out across his bed and snoring like a pig so I figured it'd be fine. Pulling Ms. Lynn's book from under my bed, I sucked in my teeth nervously. The weight of the book felt like I was holding pure power in my hands. It had everyone's secrets, everyone's fears and insecurities within it. It held dangerous information for any inmate to behold.

My conscience whooped the side of my head. Reading this would mean I'm a horrible person. An awful, filthy rat. A rude, invasive- I opened it.

Going through the pages, it was in alphabetical order. I stopped at a few people I knew.

Brandon Axen:
• held friend at gunpoint
• apathetic to others
• an asshole

Doesn't surprise me.

Jake Bantél:
• self-harms
• sassy
• don't bring up the ex

He self harms? What's wrong with his ex?

Ian Becker:
• shot father
• defensive
• pining after Draven

What a bitch.

Draven Davidson
• suicide attempt
• dead family except cousin
• seems to like Ian

I choked on my spit, rereading Draven's page over and over again. Seems to like Ian? His family is dead? He tried to kill himself?!

Out of every possibility, out of everything I could come up with to figure out why Draven was here... suicide wasn't one on the list. I stared at the page as if it would change at any moment. There was no way that was it. It couldn't be.

But maybe there was more to him than everyone thought. Knowing that there was a chance Draven didn't commit mass murder to get himself in here put a smile on my lips. I knew he wasn't as bad as everyone says he is. Well, other than beating the shit out of Brandon. And Chris. And anyone who even breathes in his direction.

Along with that brought up that he had a dead family which made the smile disappear immediately. He must've had a hard childhood. That would explain a lot of things. It wasn't his fault that he is the way he is.

Seems to like Ian.

My heart was pounding against my rib cage. Did she mean he seems to like me romantically or platonically? When did he even talk to her? Did he tell her that or was she guessing?

"The hell are you doing?" Miles grumbled, scaring me.

I closed the book and tried to hide it under the blanket." I can't sleep," I lied.

"You're a shitty liar. What is that?"

I inhaled sharply, my hold on the book tightening. Is it okay to tell him? What if he wants to read it?

He made the decision for me when he swiftly stood up and snatched it out of my hands. His eyes widened when he realized what it was. "You have Ms. Lynn's notebook? How did you get this?"

I looked at the ground guiltily. "It was in her office," my voice was quiet, "I wanted to know more about Draven."

I knew it was wrong and I knew I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't find myself regretting it.

Seems to like Ian.

"That's so cool! Lemme see."

I furrowed my brows, thinking he was going to yell at me and tell everyone how shitty of a person I am. I should've known he'd love some kind of "gossip" like this.

"I don't know..." but he was already opening it, turning through the pages with wide, eager eyes.

I would be a hypocrite to tell him to stop. To tell him that it was wrong. So against my better judgment, I just let it happen.

"Draven is suicidal?!" he gasped.

I jumped up, covering his mouth with my hand, "keep your voice down." I hissed, "nobody else gets to know. You and I shouldn't even know."

Now that Miles knew just as much as I did, the regret started to sink in. The knowledge that all of Draven's private information was in someone else's brain nipped at my skin. I fucked up.

"You're the one who stole it." He plucked my hand off his face, "and why don't you look happy? He likes you!"

My face reddened as I groaned, "I know I did but I feel horrible now. And she was probably just guessing. Who knows."

He flicked my forehead, making me yelp, "he almost fucked you. He definitely likes you." He trailed off, "or maybe he's just horny, but that still means he's attracted to you sexually, which I see as a complete win."

I snatched the book back out of his hands and shoved it under my bed again. Draven was definitely just horny. He didn't know me. He couldn't have feelings for me. I'd be surprised if he felt anything at all.

"Why do you think he would try to take his own life?" I asked quietly.

Miles shrugged as he plopped down on his own bed, "maybe he wanted to reunite with his dead family in fake heaven or something."

Imagining Draven with a gun to his head made me sick. I could imagine the feeling of the cold metal and picture his shaking hands as he decided whether to live or die. It was horrible. And if it makes me feel sad, how sad would it mean Draven was?

"Do you think he's better now?"

Miles snickered, "does he look better to you? He doesn't exactly seem to enjoy life, or anything at all, honestly. He's just kinda... there."

I slid under the thin sheets of my bed, feeling exhausted from all of the worries now in my mind because of him. What if he tried to do it again? What if he succeeded?

"I want to help him."

"You can't help people who don't wanna be helped," Miles yawned.

"Who says he doesn't want to be helped?"

He wiggled around in his bed until he was facing me, "you're playing a dangerous game with him, Ian. It's fun to make jokes about it and all, but I don't know if he's good for you."

"You don't know him!" I said defensively. I hated people thinking poorly of him.

He raised his brows at me, "neither do you."

My stomach dropped, a feeling of unwavering emptiness overtaking me. Maybe he wasn't good for me. But I could be good for him.

"Just promise you won't tell anyone about the book or spread around everybody's private information."

"You really think that lowly of me?" he scoffed.

"I just want to make sure. I feel awful about all of this."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have done it."

I rested on my back, closing my eyes and preparing for sleep. "Everything will be fine."

A/N
Now that we're deeper into the book, who's your favorite character? What do you predict will happen next?