Cruel Moons

Chapter 17

I walked through the Silver Heart Pack crying my heart out to Scarlet for the first time. From Jax to Nathan to the worst loss of Adrian. I hold back on the gruesome details knowing her kind heart doesn't deserve that.

We cried together for awhile. I know she was conflicted with her anger for Nathan because I try to reassure her he doesn't deserve to be hated. His ongoing grief is punishment enough. That was also the moment I let go of any hate or fear I had towards him.

I've seen Julia and Nathan around the last couple days I've spent her and I saw why they worked together. I haven't talked to him yet but I know I was going to before I left again. This was another place it did not feel right to be in.

Once we get back to the house Zac wraps around Scarlet knowing he was feeling all her sadness. As she left to wash up Zac begin to tell me the same thing he has for the last two days.

"He called again. I told him you are doing fine, again"

I nod my head in appreciation now wanting to say another word about the matter. Every day he hasn't come back to me was another stab in my heart. It just meant he was leaning closer to her. I couldn't blame him. I only blamed myself for believing it could work. For falling in love with someone that could never be mine.

The next day I felt brave. I took advantage of it and confronted Nathan during his trainings.

"Can we speak for a minute"

He just nods his head and follows me to the nearest park bench used for outside events.

"How are you doing? I-I uh was worried when you were taken"

"I'm going to be okay. I just wanted to say I'm happy for you and Julia" I barely choke out, feeling my fear and insecurities wanted to crawl out.

I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable as well. Knowing he rejected me and then shortly after chose someone else.

"It just works in a weird way.  We both know what loss feels like and she understands I can never give her my entire self"

We say our goodbyes knowing we most likely won't cross paths again which seemed to be work best for both of us.

I decided to leave that night. I didn't tell Zac or Scarlet where I was going incase Adrian would call again. 

After several hours I arrived at the familiar lake where I waited for someone to gather me into the territory. Alpha James welcomed me with open arms again.

He knew this wasn't my first choice but it felt like the most realistic choice. Far away from what I want and small enough for me to distract myself. I spent two weeks working under James, training with his small team, and avoiding my phone.

I wasn't happy but I was starting to think that it didn't matter anymore. James was a good friend whenever I let him in. One night we bond over strong whiskey and a venting session.

"The worst part is that I don't hate him. I still love him, always will" I drunkenly scream out.

"Hey at least you found love. Don't take that for granted"

"James why are you not searching for your mate. You need to get out there and look for her." I say a little too loudly.

His face turns serious for a moment thinking about what I just said.

"I've tried before and just decided to let it be up to fate. But maybe I should try again"

"Yes! Yes you should try again. Go visit the other packs. Go travel around. You deserve to find her"