never existed :: niccolo rossi

the end: never existed

I couldn't wait to leave. I was done with the travelling for now, I told Tim that I would see him again one day, just not now.

As I sat on my plane, flying back to my home country for the first time in, what felt like, years, I found myself analysing my experience in Italy.

What I had grown to know about myself was that I never have and, unfortunately, probably never will be one for commitment.

I don't think I ever plan on getting married. I don't think I want kids. I just feel like marriage is an expectation more than a desire for me, so why do something I don't want to, nor have to, do?

I want to be able to have a partner, don't get me wrong, but why should I have to get married? To submit to them legally? To bind myself to them? I don't get it.

And everything that happened in Italy I will never forget, because it made me realise that it's not a place where I belong. It also made me realise that I didn't need to be in a toxic relationship with some 21 year old. Maybe I just need to be a kid for a while.

I don't think need to search for that some purpose in my life. If it's meant to be it will come to me. In saying that, I know that I am going to work exceptionally hard in order to make my career and my enjoyment of life, my number one priority.

Whilst I will never forget the memories I made or lose contact with my close friends I have, I know for a fact that I am going to move on. I am going to move past this chapter of my life. I will forget about Niccolò, my first love. And he will forget about me too. It wasn't like two seventeen-year-old kids, from far countries, were going to commit to a lifelong love. This isn't your average fairy tail. I don't end up with Niccolò in the end.

"Ready to go?" Jordan spoke as he snatched the handle of my suitcase from me, pulling on it harshly to prove his strength. He offered me a cheeky smile to which I returned with a kind one.

"Yep, let's go home." I nodded, following him towards his car. As I walked behind the blond boy I turned to see a brunette boy. He had brown eyes and tan skin, his hair short and his skin was spotted with pimples on his cheeks. He looked to be around my age.

The boy turned as if he felt my stare. He held a stare with me before winking, smiling and walking the opposite direction. I looked down at my hands before smirking.

And we will move on, I know we will. My behaviour would eventually be discovered as a vicious cycle. And one day it will be as if Niccolo and I never existed.