We All Have a Story to Tell || v.f. ~COMPLETED~

1.0

if you cannot deal with triggering content without being triggered, please do not read this, for your own sake. thanks! -KawaiiAwaited

/ SCARLETT /

lyric-

so sick of playin',

i don't want this anymore

--

I lay out on the stiff, leather couch, sniffling. I wasn't having any regrets, not yet anyways. The only feeling I had was guilt. For doing this to my parents. For stressing my mother out. For the bill they'd have to pay after this. For the gas money they'd need to get up here to visit because it was in Maumelle, and we lived in Pine Bluff.

As we waited, I preoccupied myself by replaying the earlier event of today in my head.

I was late to church because I'd gotten a hair cut. I just layered it to make it look punk, sort of. Lucas (the "temporary" youth leader) paused the lesson to say hi as I walked into the youth room, and Talon (Lucas's friend) pulled up a chair for me to sit beside him.

After the lesson, I stayed behind as everyone went into the gym. I was listening to my music (Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens along with a bit of La Femme) and lain out across three chairs.

I never noticed until after I explained my plan to admit myself into a mental hospital to Lucas that Talon had been in there the entire time. He'd heard everything. I hardly knew him. He was good friends with Lucas, so I knew that he was a good guy, but now he just knew me as the crazy girl that's going to the nut house.

That had been bothering me all night, and I wasn't sure if it would stop bothering me. Perhaps I should ask Lucas if Talon said anything about it. But I'd have to wait until I got out of here.

I heard sirens from somewhere outside. I got up and looked out to the window to see a young girl being escorted from an ambulance into a building.

That was a little scary.

Now it was past midnight, and finally, they took me to the short term adolescent unit.

"Take a seat here so Ms. Ella can get your vitals." They'd introduced this man to me as Mr. Kelly. Apparently, he had night and morning shifts during the week. He seemed pretty nice.

As I waited, I looked up at the schedule bulletin board.

7:00am - wake up/morning showers
8:15am - breakfast
9:00am - group
11:00am - free time/go outside
12:00pm - lunch
12:45pm - free time/go outside
1:30pm - group
2:30pm - recreational therapy
3:30pm - group
4:30pm - free time/go outside
6:00pm - dinner
6:45pm - free time/evening showers
7:30pm - movie/snack time
8:30pm - early bedtime
9:00pm - bedtime

I sighed. This seemed really strict and boring. It was stressing me out. Wasn't this place supposed to get rid of my stress? That was what triggered my thirst for death in the first place.

A woman who I assumed to be Ms. Ella walked over and got my vitals; temperature, weight, height, blood pressure. She asked which of my medications were for morning and which were for night.

I shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. The Singulair is all I have to take at a certain time, and that's at night."

She nodded. "All right, sweetie, come with me. Gotta make sure you don't have anything stowed away in your garments or undergarments." She continued talking as she led me down the hall. "You got wire in your bra?"

"No, ma'am," I replied. "I prefer sports bras."

I sounded sick because I'd been crying. I hated being stopped up, I hated when my eyes got puffy, I hated the headache I got after crying. It was past 1 by now, and I really wanted some sleep. In all honesty, I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.

They put me in a room by myself. But one of the workers, Austin, gave me an extra blanket. They kept it absolutely freezing in there. But Austin told me to be grateful, because it was apparently much worse in the PSA, Patient Safety Area.

At least someone wasn't mad at me for being here. At least someone bothered to make me feel a little bit better about what was going on. At least someone cared.