All My Life

28| Helpless

A/N

Trigger warning, this chapter deals with some sensitive content related to suicide. Please do not read this chapter if this has even the slightest chance of triggering you.

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Flash's pov.

I feel myself snap out of the haziness that had covered my mind, my eyes focusing upon the bleeding boy on the rough ground, his eyes shining with tears and I feel my heart clench at what I had done.

I did this...

Without a second thought, I am up, on my feet and sprinting away from the place, away from the aftermath of my own mess. I feel sweat trickle down the side of my head, my system overwhelmed with guilt and hopelessness. I never meant for it to get so far, not this much. I find myself on an empty street, breathless from running for so long.

"I never wanted a family, Rose! I don't give a damn if you or that bastard dies."

My father's words from yesterday night echo in my head and I feel a single tear slip down my eyes, leaving a scorching trail behind it forcing me to close my eyes only to be greeted by my mom's red ones, a helpless glimmer in them.

My hands reach up to cover my mouth just as a sob escapes my lips followed by another and then, another. My ribs ache, a consequence of being kicked for half an hour straight, reminding me of the foul smell of alcohol my father reeked of.

"You god damn disgrace, it's all your fault."

I find myself unable to breathe as salty tears continue to flow down my cheeks, images flashing by my eyes like a movie on repeat.

"I am so sorry, Eugene. I can't do this anymore."

Mom's pleading eyes greet me which soon turned lifeless as the crimson liquid flowed down her delicate wrist. I remember rushing out of the house, away from the monster who was supposedly my father as his loud yells came from behind me.

I pull myself together and let my legs move on their own accord, finding myself unable to force any kind of control over them. Peter's closing eyes flash by my eyes and I feel my heart sink further. I keep on walking aimlessly, people around me turning into a blur and I find myself absolutely alone among the crowd of hundreds.

I suddenly find myself pause, on noticing the familiar place, the wooden benches bringing back forgotten memories, memories that didn't even seem real. My eyes fixed upon the view in front of me, an epitome of serenity. I walk towards an empty bench, putting my backpack beside me, my hands tempting to open the front pocket and grab the small, orange plastic bottle out.

My eyes glaze over the setting sun, colouring the entire sky a glorious shade of pink. I remember watching the same sunset with mom after a particularly bad day, wishing to feel the familiar grip of her soft palms around my trembling hands.

"I love you, Eugene. No matter what."

Her voice echoes hauntingly, yet, my eyes remain glazed, trying to capture every second of the moment. I turn to my bag, my shaking hands open the front pocket before grabbing the yellow bottle which feels strangely heavy in my hands.

There are many things I regret, things I never wanted to do but could never stop myself from doing but, I regret them nonetheless. There are moments when I find myself wondering how everything turned out so bad. I watched my family break right in front of me, tormented another person just to replace the helplessness with evil in hopes that maybe, then, I won't feel so lost every single day. It didn't work out, it never does.

I open the white lid and watch two pills slip into my palms. The sky starts losing it's pinkish hue, turning into a light purple as the blue took over the red. I feel my eyes sting with unshed tears. How did it come to this?

Maybe, some stories are meant to end early, to reach their conclusion burdened by regrets and sorrows. The sun slips lower and lower as the sky starts turning dark around the edges. For the first time, I find myself wanting the seconds to tick by slow, just so I could stare at the sky for a little longer, a second longer.

The sun disappears, leaving a little light behind its trail and I put the tablets into my dry mouth, feeling numb to its bitterness. I let my eyes close, not forcing them to stay open and watch my mother's smiling face.

Maybe, it won't feel so heavy, now...

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Tony's pov.

I knock at the familiar apartment door, waiting for the brown-haired woman to open it. The word's from last night's call still spiral around my head, the heavy and shaky voice making me unable to remain optimistic. There was no way for me to remain optimistic, not when my kid was laying asleep, hooked up to a machine and wrapped up in layers of bandages.

The door opens up to reveal May Parker, a small smile on her tired face seeming miles away from what a smile should look like. I notice the dark crests below her brown eyes and the paleness of her normally warm looking skin. The mere idea of informing the woman about her nephew's state is discarded the very next second.

Not now...

"What's going on?" She gestures for me to get in, not answering the question. I push down the hesitancy and walk inside and watch the woman walk to the wooden table and grab some papers. "Please, stay calm, Tony." She whispers and I feel anything but calm but manage to pull up the indifferent facade that had been thoroughly woven for years.

She hands me the papers and I am unexpectedly greeted with a medical report. My eyes rush through the lines and lines of description only to fix upon the conclusion, the word cancer burning into my brain. I look at the corner of the report, checking for the date, April 16th. A month, it has been a month since she found out.

My head snaps in her direction only to find her staring at her hands. A burst of frustration filled fury replaces the previous shock and confusion. "What the hell is wrong with you? You are showing me this report now?" I yell in anger and watch her cringe in front of me.

"Tony, please. Don't make this anymore worse." Her voice quivers but I can't find myself to push back the slight tremor in my left hand that held the report. "This can't get any worse! You are fucking dying, May!" I push my hand through my hair, my mind coming up with no solution for the problem.

"You think I don't know that? I have known that for a month!" I watch her eyes flash with fury as her voice raises to a higher pitch. "And what did you do about that, huh? Get a crappy treatment instead of asking for help, knowing that I can get you the best doctors in the whole damn world!"

"Guess what, Tony. Your money can't solve this. I don't think you know that pancreatic cancer isn't the freaking flu. There is no way out of it!" I close my eyes upon hearing the cruel reality out loud, my mind still refusing to accept the fact when the proof lay in my very hand.

"I'm sorry, Tony. There was no other way." Her voice turns soft, almost into a whisper. A sudden laugh escapes my lips as I find the situation impossible to believe. How did I not notice the woman dying daily when I met her every next day. "I can't even find myself to accept this."

"Tony, you can't let Peter know. Please..."

I watch a tear slip down her eyes, the whole situation seeming so foreign, so unreal as the web of normality that had been woven so delicately burned around me. For the first time in years, I find myself helpless. No equations I could solve to fix it, no money that could tape the mess, nothing, just, the harsh reality.

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A/N

Ok, first of all, I just needed to show Flash's side of the story and here is the answer to your question that I had skipped in the last chapters.

A little angst-y, I guess but, that's how it is, I guess. Gotta get the story ahead. I hope you guys, enjoyed it. (I'm not sure enjoyed is the correct word to use but, you get it, right?)

Ok the, see ya! ;)