In the Open

"I read your letter."

I stand up quickly, nearly tripping as I try to reach out to him. He isn't stable when he's mad. When he's this angry he gets impulsive and then he gets dangerous.

I grab his hand, and he glares at me harshly as he yanks out of my grasp. I try to ignore the hurt that flares in my chest at the action. His breathing is uneven and he clenches his fist. He's about to do something stupid, I can feel it.

"Nick! Look at me!" I slightly yell at him, ignoring the fact that the whole lunch room is staring at us.

He ignores me and looks at a guy on the football team who is walking by, and readies his fist. I can't let him do this. He is better than this, we both know that.

"Nick!" I walk close to him and cup his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. I can feel the rage radiating through his body, and I won't deny the fact that I'm scared of him. But not for my sake, I know he won't hurt me.

"Look at me," I coax him, trying to calm him down as much as I can.

"You kissed him...," he glares at me as he says it angrily, but the hurt is evident in his voice.

"I didn't Nick," I stand on my tiptoes so that I can rest my forehead against his. I rub my thumbs along his jaw, trying to calm him down the best I can.

"You didn't kiss him?" He asks me, and I see the anger fleeing from his eyes. He looks vulnerable and my heart clenches for him. I don't want him to feel like this.

"I promise you, I didn't kiss him," I tell him softly, moving my hands to rest against his chest. His heart is beating wildly, mirroring my own.

"Tell me you won't. Promise me you won't fucking kiss him," he demands, grabbing my hands tightly. The look in his eyes is desperate.

"Nick, I can't promise you that. You know I can't promise you that," I try to be as gentle as I can with him, not wanting to set him off again.

He suddenly remembers where we are, and notices the large audience we have. He looks into my eyes and without warning, he yanks me out of the cafeteria and quickly pulls me into the janitor's closet.

"Nick... what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" I ask him, my voice cracking under the emotions flying between us.

"Come back to me. I know I was a dick and I treated you like shit, but please. I am begging you to come back to me Nadine." He tilts my head up, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Why? All you do is treat me badly. You pretend you like me one minute, and then the next you're treating me like I mean nothing to you. You don't tell me anything about yourself. You don't let me in, and you refuse to accept affection from me. You're the one who drove me away, I didn't just leave you."

I didn't mean to sound angry, but I couldn't help it. He's the one who drove me away, and now he is begging to have me back? What is his problem? I turn away from him and put my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave. I'm so tired of his mood swings. He shouldn't play with my emotions anymore.

"I read your letter." 

I stop in my tracks. I wrote that letter a long time ago, the first time I realized I was ready to leave him. I didn't have the heart to leave though. I forgot about it, until now.

"That was a long time ago Nick," I sigh and turn back around to face him. He stepped closer to me, so now his lips are only an inch from mine.

"But you were right. I have been a dick to you, and I should've treated you the way you deserved. I'm just so scared to get close to you. you'll get hurt if you stay around me," he whispers, reaching out and tucking my hair behind my ear. My heartbeat is wild inside my chest, I fear it'll burst at any moment.

"Then explain it to me. Help me understand why Nick," I beg him, grabbing his hand within my own.

"I-I can't Nadine. I want to, but I can't put you through all of this. I care about you, and all I have done is hurt you. I have to go," he says, pushing past me and leaving me alone and confused, like always.

I slide against the door, letting the tears fall from my eyes. I am making a promise to myself in this moment. I will never shed another tear because of Nick Simmons. After today, I am done crying over him. I'm done feeling bad for him. And most of all I am done trying to change him. I don't know why I tried in the first place.

I hear the bell ring and compose myself before exiting. Trying to keep my head down because I know if Alyssa sees me she won't shut up about it. And this is not something I want to talk about.

After what feels like centuries, the final bell rings, and I rush out of the building as fast as I can. I scan the lot for Zayn's truck, and walk as quickly as I can once I spot it.

"Wow, you're speedy today," he laughs at me as I get in, and I give him a small smile in return. I just need to sleep all of this away. I need to sleep away all the thoughts and feelings Nick has provoked within me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Zayn asks with a frown, resting his hand over mine in an attempt to be comforting. Yesterday I would have smiled or blushed at his touch. Now though? The only touch I can think about is Nick's. The way he grabbed my hands like he was terrified I would let go. The soft brush of his fingertips against my cheek as he brushed my hair back. I can't handle this, I hate it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a rough day I guess. I'll be fine once I can lay down and relax," I conjure up a smile at him and he gladly returns it.

"Well that's good, because I figured we could make tonight a movie night? Sine that was the only condition I had of you moving in." He chuckles and I agree with him. He gets the hint I don't want to talk, and stays silent until we get to his apartment.

"Thank you," I dejectedly say as he helps me out of the truck and leads me inside.

"No need to thank me babe. You can pick whatever movie you want and I'll pop us some popcorn, okay?" He asks and kisses my forehead. I nod and thank him again.

I slip my shoes off and go sit on the couch, turning on the tv. I'm in the mood for an animated movie, but I don't want him to make fun of me for it. "Hey Zaynnn?" I draw out as he comes into the room with a big bowl of popcorn.

"Yesss?' He plops down next to me and starts eating the popcorn. We haven't even started the movie yet and he's already eating it by the handful.

"First of all, stop eating the popcorn," I say and swat his hand. He pouts at me and I giggle at him because he is so adorable. He always manages to lighten my mood. "Second of all, can we please watch The Croods? Pretty please?" I puff out my bottom lip and give him puppy dog eyes.

"Of course! I haven't watched that one yet, but it looks hilarious. Let's watch it!" He sounds like a little boy and I smile as I lay my head on his shoulder and play the movie. This day started out pretty awful, but being next to Zayn makes it so much better. He's just such a happy person, it's impossible for his positivity not to rub off on you.

We spend the rest of the night watching all the animated movies we could find on Netflix. Zayn goes through about four bags of popcorn on his own. When it gets late enough he cleans up our mess and gives me a goodnight kiss on the cheek.

I try to sleep peacefully, but I can't stop thinking about him. He always seems to sneak into my thoughts when I least want him to. I just need one entire day without Nick seizing my brain. Is that too much to ask for?