Obsession (18+)

Chapter 5

The guilt hit me after my high was over and done with. I had reached the top of the cliff after climbing higher and higher and then once I jumped off, I was only hit with an overwhelming sense of regret.

The type of regret that everyone felt after self pleasure. We didn't know why we felt that way, but it just happened. It was depressing.

I pushed that thought away. It wasn't something I enjoyed and it wasn't something I could ever come to terms with easily. The sense of guilt.

But even after I laid in bed and got myself off to the girl of my dreams, I still wasn't satisfied.

And I would never be completely satisfied until I had her as mine. As my very own prized possession that no one could touch.

The fact that she could be doing things that I wanted to do to her with that boy repulsed me. I didn't want her to be with him. I should have stopped her when I had the chance.

Stopped her three years ago when she was first entering high school and Marcos informed me that his daughter was going on a date with a boy.

While I also blamed Carissa for the situation and problem at hand, I also blamed Marcos. Why did he let her go out with him in the first place?

His dad instincts weren't as good as I had thought.

You're one to talk, Alessandro.

Maybe I should have stopped her before she had even got herself a boyfriend she claimed to love. It was fake love, after all. She didn't know what love was and neither did he. That's why they didn't belong together. I knew what love was. And I would show her.

Jesse took my heart the second she was born. Took it with her and twisted it, toyed with the thin, frail strings that held it together without being aware.

At one point, I was doubtful that love at first sight existed. I believed love at first sight meant you were only falling for someone's looks and it just wasn't real, it was only supposed to be a whirlwind of lust in the pit of your stomach.

But when I got that nervous, flustered feeling that sent my hands sweating, my heart racing, my mind escaping to cloud nine, I finally realized what it was. It was real.

Jesse De Rose showed me what love at first sight was. But, did I show her what it was?

Deep down, I believed I did. I just needed to get them to rise up to the surface.

Don't get me wrong, though. I did not find myself in love with her and thinking of her lustfully when she was a newborn. No, I only started thinking of her in such ways when she became a woman.

My subconscious was nagging at me. Yelling, actually. Filled with negative, plaguing thoughts. It was becoming an annoying nuisance much like Justin himself.

My subconscious would always overpower my conscience. It didn't matter which was right or wrong, it'd all go to the same side in the end.

My room was still pitch black, the only source of the lighting being the small red light that came from the bottom of my TV that you couldn't turn off. Silence seem to be a common (or rather lack thereof) sound that followed me wherever I went. The air conditioning was on, so that filled my beloved quietness, but in a way, it was calming unlike my mind.

I really sounded mentally disturb, huh?

There I lay, thinking about the love of my life, while she was probably out getting fucked by her good boy boyfriend with the boyish smile and sandy hair.

My fingers dance across my bare, toned stomach. Spice of adrenaline pumped through me, almost like a kid on a sugar rush. I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, so why try?