Masks

Chapter 21

I'd barely left the apartment the past few weeks and mostly focused on packing. Tim would come over from time to time to work on our 'plans' and settle on what hotel we'd be booking. Music began playing from my phone as I finished another box and I paused to stare at the caller ID in shock, letting the ringtone play out and go to voicemail. Landon- nor any of my other friends- had called me for the past month and now out of the blue... I almost didn't want to listen to his voicemail when the notification showed up.

I glanced around as if I'd find an explanation before playing the message. "Ash, this is Landon. I have no idea what's going on. Dillan and I- we can't remember the past month. We would've gotten back to you sooner but then we found out Mallory was in the hospital- things got busy... We should've told you so you could've come see her."

There was a pause and I heard him shift and adjust the phone as he gave a sniff. "Mallory died yesterday. We don't know what her family's plans are for the funeral but I'll let you know when we find out."

There was another muffled sound of him crying and Dillan in the background whispering to him. I wasn't sure how much more was on the message but I felt too sickened by the reminder of what I'd done to keep listening and deleted the message. Silence rang in my ears as I fell back onto the couch and took several deep breaths to calm down.

"Dammit... look what I've done..." I tossed my phone next to me and put my head in my hands, letting my fingers tangle into my hair as the guilt returned at full force. "I can't go to the funeral. I can't call them back. I sure as hell can't see them... I need to get out of the house- take a walk and think. Now."

I jumped to my feet and grabbed a jacket and my keys before snatching my phone off the couch as I walked out the door. Tim was walking up the sidewalk from his car as I was locking the door and I nearly ran into him as I turned around.

"...Sorry." I took a step back, twitching slightly from the anxiety coursing through me waiting to be burned off. "Um, here's the key. I'll be back later."

"Where are you going?" He looked down at the apartment key and took it from me apprehensively as I held it out to him.

"I need a walk. I'll be back later- before it gets dark." I moved around him and continued going to my car. "I'll get some stuff from the grocery for us too while I'm out."

"Do you want me to come with you or anything...?" I could tell he was trying not to ask what was bothering me.

"No, I'll be fine. I'll um, I'll message you if something comes up and I need your help." I got into the car and began pulling out of the parking lot, leaving Tim standing there trying to process what just happened and figure out what to do.

I drove to the outskirts of town and parked near a mall that had long since been abandoned before getting out to walk around the area. When I first moved here for college and met my friends we always told each other that we'd come here and explore the area like the videos people posted of themselves exploring abandoned places... but that never happened. Freshman year had kept us busy getting used to college life and other distractions came up- the idea was put aside and turned into more of a fantasy.

"Then everything went to hell again." I sighed and kicked a rock absentmindedly as I circled the building. "Ethan died... I couldn't keep up with classes..."

What ifs popped up in my head. How different would things have been if I'd done one thing or another? Ethan had wanted me to go to his college so he could help- even said that he'd found something that could've worked before his life ended. Would it have happened if I had just gone there instead? Would Mallory still be alive if I hadn't stayed here? Would Landon and Dillan be living normal lives?