Masks

Chapter 53

"He could've been lying." Tim paced around anxiously. "For all you know, he's trying to get you killed."

"Ethan-"

"Ethan is dead." He stopped to look at me. "Alastor could've been using an illusion of him to get into your head and convince you he was telling the truth."

The frustration coursing through me twisted at his words into something akin to pure wrath. "Ethan was there! I know that was him!"

I could feel the darkness threatening to steal control from me again as the argument continued. "I should've known he wouldn't believe me. Why doesn't he see Alastor's explanation makes sense!? ...Good thing I didn't mention the stuff about HABIT and my father- even I don't know if I believe that."

"Ash... I know you want answers but going to a demon- especially one that nearly got you killed- isn't the right way."

"It's worth a shot." I growled. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"We could get trapped there and die or burn to death. You might lose control completely. It might only piss them off. They haven't been around. Why risk going to the ARK- on purpose- and making things worse?" He didn't seem to notice the ringing or how I'd gone as still as a statue to analyze his movements.

"Lose complete control... He hasn't even seen that yet. Maybe I should show him what that is... Kill him! No!" There was a feeling of warm blood pouring from a large gash in my neck. For a moment the scene changed. Tim looked scruffier, unshaven, and my blood covered his knife and hand, dripping onto the hard floor. "He killed us. He'll do it again. Kill him now! ...They aren't the same. I'm not Pawn... That isn't what happened to me, not in this life. We're partners. I trust him."

Tim ran a hand through his hair and took a breath, calming his voice. "You haven't been well. Until you get better I'd rather not risk it, especially if we have a chance to find a better solution."

"Does he trust you? Kill him first- No. I'm not losing him too. I won't become a monster!"

My lack of responses finally seemed to hit him just before I disjointedly stumbled back. The azoth seemed to be choking me as I violently coughed and held back the desire to lash out. Everything felt like it was being blocked out by the static. My vision tunneled and locked onto Tim. My muscles tensed up in preparation to strike only for me to jerkily stagger to the side and collapse to my knees.

"I can't... what if- What if he's right? He's only... trying to keep us alive..." I could taste blood mixing with the toxic flavor of the azoth as I continued coughing it up. "But... what if this... only gets worse? I don't want to kill him!"

It was getting difficult to breathe. I could hear Tim saying something but it was incomprehensible, as if I was underwater. My vision blacked out for a moment. Tim was crouched next to me. Another blank entered my memories. He was carrying me. The third time only lasted a second, as the fit subsided. I slowly registered that I was lying on the couch.

"Will it get better... if I... destroy the ARK? Will these memories stop?" I turned and looked over at Tim as he stared outside, seemingly in thought. "...What if it doesn't? What if he has to kill me? I don't want to do that to him..."

"Tim..." My voice rasped for a moment. "Did I-"

"No." He walked closer. "You didn't hurt me."

"Surprisingly." I mumbled

"You aren't being controlled, let alone becoming like them. You're just... ill." He was blatantly lying to me and himself at this point.

"...Just admit it. You know Alastor is right- at least concerning what's happening to me."