fifty-four

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ethan

"i'm in love with you."

the words make her pull back, and she looks into my eyes blankly. i can't read her.

my heart races as i wait for her lips to form a response. only a second or two passes before she reaches past me and shuts the window, and closes the curtain.

i glance back at her.

"i love you too."

her words make me almost rejoice in utter happiness, but instead i pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist.

i softly lay her on her bed and she looks up at me with big and gleaming eyes.

"i love you," she says again.

i immediately smash my lips against hers once again. they move from her lips, to her jawline and down her collarbone. she leans her head back a little, a soft string of curse words i've never heard her say leaving her mouth.

"i should've told you so much sooner," i mumble against anna's skin.

she nods, biting her lower lip a little. "me too."

i feel the need to be insanely gentle with her— so that's what i do. within the next couple of minutes, i carefully remove her clothes and toss them by mine on the floor. i'm slow with each time we move further, and i think she appreciates that.

"so," i breathe out. "are you sure? you can tell me to stop whenever—"

she looks at me fiercely.
"i'm yours, ethan."

and she truly is.

always.
«»«»«»

"i think birds should be classified as mammals," anna mumbles randomly as she rests her head on my bare chest.

i laugh a little, letting go of the strands of blonde hair i was playing with. "what?"

"i'm serious. technically they have fur."

"they have feathers, an. not fur."

"same thing, right?" she asks, looking up at me a little. "i mean, why do they get their own category? what's up with that?"

"anna, i mean this with as much love as possible," i say softly. "...shut up."

she giggles. "fine, fine. i'm sorry."

there's silence for a few moments.

"so are we just not gonna talk about it?" she whispers.

"nope," i answer. "because you're still here. for another three and a half hours."

i feel her nod, and push herself off my chest to sit up.  "we should finally get up."

i watch as she stretches a little, wearing only my t shirt and her underwear. she yawns softly.

suddenly, she smiles. "what number does this make, ethan?"

i tilt my head and raise an eyebrow. "what?"

"in this bed," she motions to the comforter. "what am i? the seventh? third? fifth?"

i can tell she's joking by the gleam in her eyes that waits for me to give my reaction.

"oh please," i scoff teasingly. "you're obviously the thirtieth."

she laughs, throwing her head back a little. i notice her eyes falter around the room, and it seems kind of bare. all her small little decorations are gone and packed away.

but i don't let the heavy feeling take over my chest.

because she loves me.
and that's all the reassurance i need.

i look back to her and see that she's gotten up, and started putting on a pair of shorts. her movements are hesitant and wobbly, which makes me feel bad that i possibly hurt her a little.

"go pee," i instruct.

she looks at me confusedly. "why?"

i shrug. "it's a thing, i think."

nodding, anna disappears into the bathroom. i take the time to pull my jeans back up and find a shirt in her stuffed suitcase that she can wear instead of mine, so i don't have to walk out bare-chested.

i blindly grab a plain white cropped long sleeve and hold it out to her as she comes out of the bathroom. "i'll trade you."

she pouts, but pulls the shirt over her head anyway.

"i'll give it back," i reassure, as if it's her shirt. "just don't make me walk out of here naked."

"fine," anna sighs, grabbing the white fabric from my hands. she tugs it over her head, and i reach out to sweep the hair out of her eyes when her head pops out of the neck hole.

"do um, do you need help packing anything else?" i force myself to ask, even though it's the last thing i want to do.

really, i want to fling open her suitcase and take everything out and put it back.

she smiles sadly. "no. it's all packed away."

i close my eyes. "what if you 'missed your flight'?"

"your mom is not going to let me miss that flight."

"anna, i'm scared," i blurt out, feeling panic set in.

"hey," she says calmly. "worst case scenario, i go to jersey until the first semester, then i fly back. we can meet somewhere in the middle. five hours means nothing to us."

"it's a long ways," i nod.

"but we can do it," she adds. "and hey, the best case scenario is i go home for a few weeks, realize i didn't get into stanford, and boom. we're 20 minutes away."

i laugh, pulling her close to my chest. "you're getting in, anna. my mom was very confident about it."

"she really wants me out of here, doesn't she?" anna muffles against my chest.

i stay quiet, which is an answer for the both of us.

"do you want me to show you something?" i ask.

she pulls away to see my face. "depends. what is it? i already saw your secret tattoo today and honestly i wish i didn't. a pineapple? really?"

i laugh. "just trust me. take a couple minutes away from sulking in the guest house and come to my room. i have to show you."

she smiles, and i thinks she knows what it is.
"okay."

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