𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙭𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙧𝙖 • 𝙟𝙤𝙝𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙗𝙮 [complete]

••• 26 •••

FUCKING PREGNANT.

It was impossible to focus on anything other than the baby that was growing inside me, and for the next three days it was all I thought about. While I sat in the office with Isaiah, I stared down at the desk and established some facts to myself.

Firstly, John was the father, and there was no doubt about it. The man who attacked me the night before Salvatore's death, and I could only assume it was just the one man as I had blacked out for the majority of it, couldn't have been the father. And neither could Peter from upstairs, as I had had a period since those times.

Secondly, I must have been around three to four weeks gone by now. That was how long it had been since Maura last gave me a check-up; the day of Gerald's funeral.

And thirdly, I was not going to keep it. Although I wasn't a 16 year old girl anymore, even now I didn't feel prepared to bring a child into the world. John was married to someone else, and I still put the Peaky Blinders above all else, which meant it was unfathomable for me to raise a child alone.

One thing I couldn't know for sure was how John would react. We were grown adults, and he now knew the actual consequences of bringing a child into the world, let alone one out of wedlock. Maybe he'd blame me and we would have a terrible argument leading to us never speaking again, like the last time I aborted our child. Maybe he'd become a romantic and beg me to elope with him, some place where the weather was always warm and the people were never judgemental.

I had spent the last few days convincing myself that he had fallen in love with Cara, so the last option didn't seem realistic anymore. Though, if he did ask me to run, I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

"Alex?" Isaiah tapped my arm and I looked up to see him staring down at me.

"Hmm?" I asked, before letting out a yawn.

"You alright?" He asked before standing up. "You've been completely zoned out all day. You didn't even react when Arthur said you'd have to sleep with Leon Brockman again."

A wave of disgust overtook me as I grimaced and stood up. "I would rather fuckin' die than go through that again. You know, Tommy gets to sleep with all these pretty women who smell like roses and have voices like songbirds. And what do I get? Old, wrinkled men with hairy chests and even hairier arse cheeks. Have you ever found a stranger's ginger pubes in your underwear? It's not fair!"

"Woah, Alex, it was just a joke," Isaiah said with wide eyes. "You sure you're alright?"

"No, I'm not fuckin' alright!" I exclaimed, unable to control myself. "Why do things happen to my body when I don't fuckin' want them to? Why don't I get to have any control?"

Concern filled his features as his eyes softened, and he took a step toward me before placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're alright, Alex. You're never gonna have to do anything like that again, and I can promise you that."

Once again, I was being seen as vulnerable, and I hated that there were tears building up in my eyes. "God, I wish I was born a man. Things would be so much easier."

"Nah, that's not true," Isaiah said, putting down the papers in his hand. "Women are the better sex, and you're one of the best ones."

"You're just trying to get me to shag you, Izzy," I muttered with a sniff, folding my arms across my chest while leaning on his desk.

Isaiah tilted his head and squinted his eyes, "Uh, maybe. Is it working?"

I rolled my eyes and nudged him hard in the stomach, making him cry out in pain just as Finn approached us with a stumble. "I'm late for work... I was at the Garrison..." He mumbled, his words barely coherent.