Spaces Between Us

Niall

"Some nerve you've got, showing up here. The stunt you pulled at Mr Cowell's funeral is all over the papers, we don't want you here." We all stood silently, our heads cast down. We managed to safely make our way to Ireland, we were too late for the funeral but we had decided to visit Paul's wife to pay our respects. However, she did not want our respects.

"I know we're the last people you want to see but I think we've got the right to say goodbye." Louis chimed and we all groaned, shooting Louis a glare. The lad never knew when to shut up.

"Could we perhaps know where he is buried? So we can visit his grave?" I asked, Paul's wife looked at us with disdain, her hands balled up in fists,ready to throw a punch.

"Get out, get out all of you. I never want to see you here again!" She screamed and I jumped back in fright. "You didn't deserve to know him, you didn't deserve to be in his presence. He wasted five years of his life taking care of you and this is how he was rewarded? Get out!" She pushed us all out of the house and slammed the door shut behind us.

"Well, that went well."  Louis mumbled and we all groaned, walking towards our waiting car. The journey back to the hotel was silent not one of us uttered a word. Shame, guilt, sorrow, grief and fatigue was all getting to us at once. We trudged towards the hotel, stopping at the reception to get our keys. We waited as Liam conversed with the lady but then he beckoned me to come over.

"I have no idea what she's saying Niall, her accent is too strong." Liam explained, rubbing his temples. He was tired and he was having a migraine I could tell. The last few days had taken it's toll on all of us, we wanted things to go back to normal but what was normal? A few weeks ago normal involved us hating each other but now we didn't. What did that mean for us, what did that mean for One Direction. It was selfish of me, to think of the band when we were supposed to be mourning Paul and Simon.Paul, God I missed him. I hadn't seen him in years, he resigned shortly before Zayn left and we only saw him a handful of times after that. His resignation was partially Zayn's fault but we didn't need to bring that up. I loved Paul, he was like fun older brother but a father at the same time. I missed him, I missed him so fucking much. Before I knew it a choked sob escaped my mouth and then another followed by another. It didn't take long before I was crying uncontrollably. Zayn rushed to my side and engulfed me in a hug.

"Liam, just tell her we'll take any fucking room,Liam hurry!" Zayn screamed. I was too busy sobbing to notice I was being  carried and suddenly I found myself in the embrace of a warm bed. I rolled to my side, holding my knees to my chest, crying continuously.

"What's wrong with him." Louis asked with worry.

"It's hitting him all at once. All that pent up emotion has finally caught up with him." Zayn explained solemnly. I cried and cried until eventually I was too tired to cry. Instead of salty tears, a darkness took over my vision and I succumbed to sleep.

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"He's awake!" Louis screamed, and I winced at the loudness of his voice. I blinked several times to get accustomed to the bright light and I slowly got up from my laid down position.

"Steady, Niall, steady. You're going to have a massive headache so take this." Zayn handed me an aspirin and a glass of water. "Don't move too fast, all that crying does take it's toll on your body."

"How do you know so much about this?" Harry asked him, and Zayn turned to face him.

"What did you think I did every night while in the band." Harry was quiet after that and instead placed a comforting hand on his back. Zayn gave him a small smile and patted his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Zayn asked. The other boys came and stood around us, Zayn sat next to me on the bed while Harry sat opposite me and placed my legs on his lap.

"I don't know what happened. I was just thinking about Paul and all the memories we had with him. I hadn't seen him since he resigned and I just felt so guilty and so sad and I missed him. It hit me all at once." I explained. Zayn cast down his eyes in guilt.

"Yeah, his resignation was my fault. I'm sorry." Ok, I guess we were bringing it up.

"Zayn,  you can't keep doing this. You've shown up drunk to every rehearsel this past week, I'm being held accountable." Paul pleaded with Zayn  who had just staggered into the auditorium with a bottle of vodka in his hand.

"Just shut up Paul. You're hurting my head." He groaned, approaching us. The rest of us stood there quietly as we watched the situation unfold.

"No! I'm tired of this Zayn! I don't know what's gotten into you all of a sudden, this behaviour is selfish and inconsiderate. Don't you know how luck you are to be in this position? To be where you are right now, to have the talent you have? Others would kill to be you and you're throwing it all away for what?"

"Lucky?" Zayn scoffed angrily, suddenly he threw the bottle to the floor, causing it to crash to the floor. I jumped at the impact. "Lucky! You have no idea what I am! You say I'm lucky then why do I feel so fucking miserable!" Zayn screamed, kicking at the chairs around us. "You're the luck one Paul!" He poked a finger into Paul's chest causing him to stumble backwards. "At the end of the day, you get to go home to your wife to your gorgeous kids. Where they'll attack you with hugs and tell you about their day. Maybe you'll decide to go to the park with your family which you can do without being swarmed and attacked by fans and the fucking paparazzi. You get to go home and continue your day surrounded by love and family. As for me, at the end of the day I'm going back to that fucking tour bus to another fucking venue. You're the one that doesn't realize how lucky you are!" Paul was quiet for awhile and then he took of his headset and dropped his clipboard.

"You're right, I don't know how lucky I am. I guess I should go and find out." We looked at each other in confusion.Zayn too drunk to understand the consequences of his actions, he swayed as he stood, clearly out of it."I quit." And just like that he was gone, out of our lives.

"Honestly Zayn." I spoke, bringing myself out of the memory and turned to face him. "I think you did him a favour. Though the words came out wrong, they directed him towards his family and he was able to focus on his children and his wife."

"You think so?"He questioned, I gave him a reassuring smile.

"I know so."

"Guys, we should get to bed. I booked us the earliest flight home." Liam suggested and they all nodded.

"Actually, guys I might stay for a while visit family." I said, they nodded at me with understanding. "I'll be back in a few days to say goodbye before we all go our seperate ways."

"Don't stay too long!" Louis screamed in my ear causing me to laugh.

"Right off to bed guys."

A/N: And then there were six, six more chapters to go. I'm sad and happy that the story is coming to an end. Sad because I enjoy writing and happy because I'm working something really exciting and I can't wait to publish when this story is done. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, vote and comment and hit me up with a follow. Lots of love and stay safe,

noena11