Death sounds calming

9 Chapter

Y/ns pov

"Finally. Home." i throw my beg aside and lay down on soffa. "Im so tired."
"MOVE over Y/n!" i could hear Hajimes annoying voice. "Im tired as well, let me sit." He lifted my legs and sat down.

"I cant even take a rest in this god damn house." i said and went to my room.

"Why is she like this? Try to talk to her Hajime dear." was the last thing i heard before i slemmed the door of my room. I lay down on my bed but soon my phone ringed.
Hmm? A message?

Unnamed number:
"Hey, Y/n-chan! Its me Yahaba! ° (^¬^)

How did he even get my number ughhh

Unnamed number:
"I just wanted to check are you coming today on date!"

Me:
"Yeah! But we didnt plan where we are going to meet?"

"Im starting to regret this." i put my phone next to me and cover my face. "This is so stupid. And annoying."

Unnamed number:
"We can meet in that new amusement park! Everyone says its really cool! UwU"

Me:
"Sure. See ya then."

He is using emojis and staff like that uugh. I felt like throwing. This dude is same as Shittykawa. I really picked the "best" one. I sighed and went to the bathroom to take a looong shower.
I undressed myself and went in shower. Soon hot water was sliding down my body, everything was fine till i looked down.

Why am i like this?

I thought to myself as i looked at my disgusting body. (NO! I do not think you are or your body is disgusting!! You are beautiful no matter what. Please dont forgot that!!!) I didnt have perfect body like those models or other girls in my new and old school.
He was right. Im ugly and disgusting.
I thought about my ex boyfriends last words.
Soon my eyes fell on my arms. They were full of scars. And the darkest ones were from that night. That boy.
My heart started beating faster and my eyes were full of tears. I knew what was coming next. Panic attack.

Soon everything started to bother me, sound of water drops, sound of my deep breathing, birds singing from outside. EVERYTHING.
Soon i found myself sitting in shower crying like crazy while water hides my hard sobbing. I started to scream silently and pulling my hair.

Die. Die.

I could hear cold voice in my head.

You dont deserve to live. You are pathetic.

It was getting louder as every second pass.

No one will care and you know it.

"P-please.... s-stop... I-i cant take this any-y-more." i cried as mach as i possibly could, but voice was still there.

Come on! Just do it already!

"N-no... l-leave me a-alone!" I begged the voice to stop.

KILL YOURSELF. The razor is right there.

"T-the razor." i stood up and opened the cupboard looking for that thing. As i took it i close my eyes. "It will all be over, right? T-this suffering." I was still crying but small smile formed on my face as i brought the razor closer to my skin.

Just let it sink in your skin.

After last comment from unnknown voice i could feel sharp pain in my left arm. I squeezed my eyes as much as i could while tears were sliding down my face and neck.

It will only hurt for a second. Then everything will be over. You will be free.

"F-free?" I slowly opened my eyes.
"The pain... Will it really go away?" I looked at my now bloody arms. I have made just one line, but there was so much blood. Blood was sliding down my arm and dripping on floor, mixing with water. The scar was really deep, but not enough deep to kill me. I lifted my hand and was ready to made the final line. The deepest one. The one that will end everything.

"Just this one. And everything will be over!" i cried like crazy while trying to hold a rezor. My hands were shaking and it was really hard to focus. But somehow i placed the razor on my arm ready to end everything with last slice.

Do it!

Do it!

Its over!

You wont suffer anymore!!

Come one!

Do it!

Do-

"Y/n!! Hury up! I need to shower as well, im all sweaty!!" My brother voice stopped everything. I stared at close door for few second before finally speaking. "H-hajime."
"Y/n, is everything alright there?" He asked me with concern voice. "You sound weird, please tell me whats wrong." He started hitting the door.

I shaked my head and answered him. "Why wouldnt i be ok?" I said in cold way. "I will be done soon so just leave me alone."

Fast i grabbed the neerest towel and dried myself. I put on clothes and run out. But little did i know that i forgot something really important.

Soon Hajime went in and froze.
"Y/n." his eyes were wide. "W-Whats this?"

"Ughh.. What is what Hajime?" I went back and saw that he was staring at few drops of blood. My blood. From my scars. I felt fear filling up my whole body. Then my brother spoked, or at least tried.

"Y-y/-"

"Im on my period, IDIOT!!" i scrimed and throw the neerest shamphoo at his head. I run out and yelled "You are so emberessing brother! UGHHH!"
Soon i heard laughting from bathroom. "Sorry sis!"

Thank God he believed me!

I lied down on my bed looking at phone. It was 5pm. I had an hour to prepare myself for this shitty date. As i stood up i felt sharp pain in my right arm. I looked down at my now soaked sleeve. "I couldnt do it." i felt tears in my eyes. "Im such a coward." i sat down on chair in front of mirror.

You are still here? You look awfull.

I looked at dark bags under my eyes. "I really do look awfull. But I dont have time for this now." i stood up and went for bandage. After some time my arm was wrapped in bandage, but still blood was soaking it fast.

I went to my wardrobe. I picked something casual to wear and of course i took something with long sleeves. I fixed my hair and now i was sitting.

"Should i put on the make up? Or not?" I looked at my reflection.

You are ugly anyway. Save yourself some time. Why bother if you will still look like Shit?

At the end i didnt put It.
Now it was 15 minutes till 6pm. So i grabbed my phone and yelled while putting my shoes on.
"Im going out! Have dinner without me."

"Where and with who?" I heard male voice as i opened the door.
"For a walk and alone." i went out and shoot the door behind me.

Well this is it. Im going out. To have "fun."