hot garbage / my old writing

sotd | two

I stare at the envelope, my jaw hanging open. No. Not Cole. Anyone but Cole. I reach my numb fingers out and open it slowly. In the dim light I read, 

"Cole Dunstan,
Congratulations! This year you will be a Contestant on The Quest! We hope you shall enjoy this year's Quest, you will be joining Adrian Nazar and Amaro Blakely from Brinkan. You should travel lightly, bring boots and some clothes you are able to move freely in, and food, because who knows, you might not be able to find any momentarily while on The Quest. Good luck to you, and happy Questing!"

(well hello there, effie trinket.)

They didn't need to put that they would kill him if he didn't, because they do that to innocent people on the street sometimes- one moment they walk by, and the next they're lying on the ground, dead. (oops.)

I stare at the letter, unable to move. Oh, brother. (that's your reaction? "oh, brother."?) "Travel lightly!" and "some clothes to move freely in!" Really? As if we had the clothes to change. We're lucky if we have four or five pairs of clothes! (ok we get it y'all are poor.)

I slowly think of what to do. My brain seems frozen. It can't think. How do you tell your family that your sickly older brother was being forced to go on The Quest- dying if he goes and dying if he stays? (um, just like that? you said it, he's dying anyway.) Well, you don't. (oh, or that.) I hide the letter in my pocket and go inside. I see Mother putting a slice of bread on each plate and water in five cups. 

"Any letters?" Mother asks, looking suddenly worried, now realizing what I was going outside for.

"No." I lie, and see the relief flood to Mother's face. I've gotten to be a good liar, and I'm almost proud of it. I unconsciously touch the outside of my pocket. (if you unconsciously did it, how did you know you did it???) A plan is forming in my head, but I'll have to be sneaky about it. 

"Okay, then." Mother says. "Eat your dinner. You must be tired."

I grab a slice of bread and go to our bedroom (we have three rooms in our apartment: my sibling's and my bedroom, Mother's room, and the kitchen) and see Cole. (i hate how that sentence is laid out, wow.)

Cole practically lives in his bed- he can't go anywhere else. (okay yeah, we've established that he's lame.) All that's left of the strong, able-bodied older brother who would protect me from anything is flesh and bones- he's even worse than the other starving people in Brinkan. (we get it. brinkan is poor.)

"I need your help." I whisper, closing the door to the bedroom, acting like I was getting dressed. 

Cole looked on intently, waiting for my request. I almost didn't want to tell him. What if he told Mother or Drake? Or even worse, Shiva. She would tell the whole family- or even all of Brinkan- in a heartbeat.

"Promise you won't tell?" I ask, and when I see him nodding weakly, I continue. "Okay. Listen. We got a Letter from the Government Assembly saying you are going to be a Contestant."

Cole looks up in surprise, his grey eyes startled. I bite my lip, then say, "I'm taking your place though."

Cole fidgets around, and I hand him his writing tablet and chalk. He scrawls something quickly and hands it to me. I read, "NO. I WILL GO. THEY WILL FIND OUT YOU AREN'T ME, AND THEN..." Cole hesitated for a moment, and then wrote, "I AM ALREADY GOING TO DIE ANYWAY." (why does cole write in all caps? does he like yelling all the time?)

"No, you won't. Not if my plan goes the way I want it to." I tell him, trying to sound calm. "I'm going to wear Pap's old cloak and borrow your boots, and I'll wear the cloak until the Government Assembly leaves us for The Quest, and then they can't take me back. You're going to lie here, and stay under covers. Adrian is going, and he'll protect me. I will be able to tell him and he will help me. At least you won't have to go anymore because you'll be presumed dead."