Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 4

Billie parked her car and led me into the house wordlessly. We walked inside and this time, other people were home. "This is Camilla," Billie said, throwing an arm over my shoulders playfully. "This is my mom, Maggie." Billie motioned to a woman sitting at the kitchen table. "My dad, Patrick." She motioned to the man next to Maggie. "And then my bozo of a brother, Finneas, and his girlfriend, Claudia."

Before I could say anything or commit their faces to memory, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room. "Why red?" I asked, looking around her room as she threw her pillow towards the top of her bed.

"Hm?"

"Every time you FaceTime me and every time I've come over so far, you're lights have been red."

"Oh." She shrugged. "Red's hot."

I laughed at the casual statement.

"You're so short." She slipped her shoes off and sat down on her bed.

"I am not," I replied defensively. She was constantly teasing me over my height even though she was short too, despite the fact that I stood an inch or two shorter than her.

"But you are."

"You're honestly just a bully." I grabbed the drawstrings of my hoodie and twisted them together. "And in denial."

"Sit down."

"And you're bossy," I added, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I swear to God. Get up here and sit by me so that we can talk."

I scooted back until my back was against the wall and our arms were touching. My stomach fluttered at the contact. "Happy now?"

"Yep."

"What's your dog's name," I asked after a beat of silence.

"This one is Shark." She pet the small grey dog. "And that one is Pepper." She pointed to the white and brown dog on the floor.

"Cute."

"Mm-hm. So, you wanna talk about what's been confusing you or we're we dropping that?"

I sighed, staring at the shoes on her shoe rack. "I don't know... I'm confused about a lot of things. I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I never know who's going to stick around and who isn't, but the one person that has always stuck around is my mom, albeit she kind of had to since I was her child. But I'm not a kid anymore and that isn't the case. I don't want to do anything that's going to make her not want to anymore even if she is a pain in the ass."

"What are you referring to?" She tilted her head, moving her hair off of her shoulder.

"N-nothing," I responded, taken aback by the question.

"I know that you're referring to something. There's gotta be something that you think you're going to do to make her upset with you."

"I'm always doing something wrong, Billie."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but listen." She turned her entire body towards me, sitting Indian style. "Your mom is always going to love you no matter what you do. She might be mad at you for a little while, but she's always going to love you, okay?"

I nodded, looking down as my eyes glossed over.

"And I'm here. You can talk to me about anything. If you decide that you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, I'm all ears, okay?"

I nodded again.

"Look at me." She put two fingers under my chin, lifting my head up. "Okay?"

"Okay."