Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 35

"Okay," Maggie says excitedly, putting her hands together. "Let's all say our New Years' resolutions, okay?"

I laugh. This is not how New Years usually went for me. I was usually at David's house, hiding from the drunk adults.

"I'll start," Maggie said. "Patrick got me this vegan cookbook for Christmas and—wait a second." She turned to Patrick. "Do you not like the food I cook?"

He sighed. "We have the same thing like three times a week—"

"It can be four." She raised her eyebrows.

"I just thought it'd be good for you to try something new."

She shook her head. "Anyways... I'll have to come up with a new one now. Billie, you can go."

"I don't really know." She licked her lips. "I want to write more this year. I don't wanna go on tour again for at least a few months again."

Maggie nodded. "Camilla, what's yours?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. To not die."

"Oh." Maggie nodded. "That's a good one... I think. Finneas?"

"I don't know. Same as Billie, I guess. I'm hoping to write a lot this year." He looked around and scratches his chin as we all waited for Maggie to tell us who has to go next.

"Claudia?"

She pursed her lips, shrugging. "Stick to my diet for once."

I laughed. "That's never gonna work for you."

"And, Patrick, yours is going to be to say something nice about my cooking every night." Maggie smiled. "Looky there. I did it for you."

"Come on." Billie drug me to her room. "I'm gonna go live on Instagram," she decided after a minute, propping her phone up. I scooted away to get out of the camera. "I don't care if you're in it." She laughed.

"I'm good."

"Okay." She clicked the button and people started joining immediately. Sometimes I forgot just how popular Billie was. She leaned closer to the phone, squinting as she read the messages. "Yes, I know what "Death Bed" is... I don't know how to play guitar that well. That's not mine." She furrowed her eyebrows at the screen, scratching her forehead. "Camilla, get your guitar."

I stood up and got the guitar.

"No, not Camilla Cabello. The fuck? I have normal friends too." She looked over at me. "Well... not normal but... I talk to people that aren't famous too. Fuck." She laughed , running her fingers through her hair. "Do you know how to play "Death Bed," Mino?"

"Mm-hm."

"Do you mind?"

I shook my head as I started strumming. After a few seconds, she started singing. "Don't stay awake for too long. Don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head. I'll get you up and going out of bed."

I start singing the next part, not even thinking about it. "Yeah. I don't wanna fall asleep. I don't wanna pass away. I been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days. I don't know why this has happened but I probably deserve it. I tried to do my best but you know that I'm not perfect. I been praying for forgiveness. You've been praying for my health. When I leave this earth, hoping you'll find someone else. 'Cause yeah, we still young. There's so much we haven't done. Getting married, start a family. Watch your husband with his son. I wish it could be me but I won't make it off this bed. I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again. My life was kinda short but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine. It sucks that it's all ending."